Thu 4 Oct 2007
one of my old friends, Rahmat, lives and works in Karaj. he is a policman.
we were classmates when I entered university, but he joind police forces and
came Karaj. I went to see him, and he was openning his heart to me.
he said that he fell in love with a girl, who has had not feeling towards
him. she doea not like him as he loves her. an other single-side love!
he has insisted for more than a year, on the other hand, but as more
he has attempted, the less he gained! she has not change her opinion and
still says no! he says"why me? why me that love a girl, just a girl,
in this world, but she does not do so? why does she acts like this?
what is my problem that she does not accept my proposal?" with hearing
these saying, I remembered exact words of mine, which I wrote once on
my diary, exact words! I remeber that I insisted on my love for more than
5 years, for times I proposed her, but she did not accepte, unless the
last time that finally she accepted with some conditions, but I was so
bad lucky that nothing went well and every thing went beyond my controls
and now there remaied just regret, feeling guilty and tears of pain!
I listened to him very carefully and exactely, then I explaeined him that
when a girl says "NO!" to your proposal, you should not ask why! or the worst
thing, my big mistake, insiste on it untill she accept with some condition!
you should not BEG love! I toled him that girls are very different,
very very different of us, they are so strange that no one can understand them,
or even no one can claim that he knows them. they do some thing that
is completely against the rational thinking! is against the every reasins
that a wise man can think about! I said that never ask a girl why! and
never insist on your proposal again! you should know that sometimes
there is no reason at all! just psychologically you two are different from
each other! she belongs to type Am and you belong to type B, or vise versa!
simple! your ways are different! you can not understad each other and
what ever you do bothers her and whatever she does bothers you! for example,
you want to make her happy and pleased and buy sth for her, the thing that
totally makes her angry and unhappy! the consequence is that you two
forget your love and always quarel, argue and fight! the peace you have
lookes for in a mutual life, turns to sleepless nights and... of course
you should trust in God, and do not ask him to do whatever you want or
like, because finally He will answer you but it would not be satisfactory
and you would lose your trust, belief in Him, yourself and whatever you
have beleived before!
I suggested him that just once, not more, ask her to say her heart`s
words towards him and then when she make him sure about his single-way
love, he must forget her and do not insist on that love any more, otherwise,
he would be like me, away of home and every thing he loved! apperantely
he accepted!
one must tell all of this to me! I still can not forget her! why? just
because of my foolish...! I missed her too mush this eveining, but I
decided not to send her sms or call her any more! but my heart... suddenly
she called me and said that why not me call her? I answered no thing!
she understood I was not in good mood, but she said evrey thing will be
ok very soon! I hope so my dear... I hope so!
Wed 3 Oct 2007
A Question: what is The LOVE?
question: What is the LOVE? Why at first people say they love each other
but after short time they forget every thing? what is it that? what
is the matter? think about it and after reading a short story tell me
your answers!
Ali Reza, my mom`s causin, is a very handsome, 32-33-year-old man, tall
and very cheerful and funny! he is always happy and tells jokes and
makes people lagh. last night I was at his house. His wife, Nasrin,
is Esfahnian and a math teacher. he has also a 5-year-old cute son,Erfan.
you know hiswife is completely opposite of he, himself, serious, unsociable
and stingy. he doea not respect his wife, at all! he behaves with her
like his servant, whatever he wants, he orders her. he most the time
speaks in a way that makes her angry or unhappy. he never tries to please
her, and he never concerns about her emotions! he always controlls her,
her cellphone, who called her, ...at the same time, she bothers him,
askes him where to go, who go out with, who called, ...! you know, I
can not find out ant LOVE between them!
last night, after he came home, he said "we wanna go Ghadr cermony in
a mosque" and we went out. I knew he lied. we went to a workshop with
his 4 other friends, if you can call them frineds! yes, they began
using drugs and adetive opium. They, his freinds, all were totally
adicts, and he joined them! they used and used and I watched and watched!
they even asked me to join them, but, you know I hate smpking in every
kind! and of course, I am as much as clever that I do not want to
spoil myself and my future!
by the way, they all were married, and
they all run a way of thier families, thier wives, and did not respect
their wives and their requests to be with them that night, or other nights!
I always hated to do sth without my wife, my family! to go somewhere,
to please just myself, to think about just myself and my needs, and
not to concern about my wife`s! I hate telling lies, especially to
my wife, my love, just because of myself and pleasing myself! yes,
I do not tell that I have never lied my love, no! but I swear I lied
her just becase of herself, or at least I thought that it was good
for herself!
the wortht thing is that they all, except Ali, or I do
not know, betray thier wives! they were too impolite and rude that
whatever they could, they said. they payed some ....... to be with
them for an hour! they even ....... some girls or women in thier houses
when their wives were not at home! and surprisingly, they were happy nad
proud about thier deeds! I wonder how a man can think about other woman or
women while he is married, while he tells his wife "I LOVE YOU".
it was very surprising for me to be in the company of such people! a
nd at the same time I felt too sorry and regretful about Ali, and about those
men`s families! I myself have never wanted or want and like to have
friends like these guys! I always loved one, loved to be with one,
and loved to make love with one, MY LOVE! surprisingly, the above story
is the reality of our society! 90% of our society`s youth and young
men and women act like this! they have problems, mentally deficted
and psychologically sick! If you find a person who is simple,
who shows you love and kindness very simply, without lies, he or she
is healthy and no smoking, you should deserve his or her love, because
these days they are very rare and like a gold parcel among mud! you
must get them, protect them and their love towards you, do whatever
you can to keep them by yorselves and do not allow small things bother
you and the relationship between you! you must thank God and his
blessings that he offered you such a person in this.....world!
God blesses all of us and offers us such people!
Tue 2 Oct 2007
TRUE FREEDOM
thanks God! and I shold thank my love too! here I thank you my dear!
last night I was so depressed that I could not stand! farzad came after
me and we went Gavezangi.It was wonderful! the city was under your feet,
shinning! the wethear was so cold and windy that you can not stand
it! It made me relaxed and feel better! I felt freedom and made my
desission! to leave Zanjan and go to other country, Dobai or Australlia,finally!
It depends on the condition! if i could find a good job in tehran, I will
stay there, if not I will go!
She smsed me! to aske me what to do tomorow!she was worring about me!
To day she called me three times, more than when we were with together!
she is worried about me! I am worried about her too. my mom was worring
about me too and I am sure my dady is worring about me too! he is a
very nice guy and he is very kind and emotional
but he has some negative thoughts and behaviours that makes all his
goodness become badness! he always does alot of things for other prople
for pleasing them, but exactely at the end he spoiles every thing
every thing and acts so selfish and so stone- hearted that you rearly do
understand that he has a heart! paradoxically, he worries about you
and loves you!!!
I do not know why he acts in this way,but after all I will never forget
his kindness and concern about me,bringing me up, giving every thing necessary
to me to reach me here,just at the end , recentely, he changed his mind,
behaviour and spoiled evry thing that now i have to leave all things,
places, poeple
i loved behind and come to other strange city, or go to other strange
country to face and live with different and strange people! to be away
of all my loves! I do not know! my mom was so worrid that kindly kissed
me like a mother of soldier sending him to fight into the front!
she said "find a good place to live and take me there!" I promised her
to do so! I could not see my dady, nor could I call him! he did not
know I was leaving! may be I will regret! God knows how much I love
him, I love them!
how much I need them, how much I wanted to peace among them to live!
yeasterday I went to see my mothr-in-low! she is so kind,
affectinate that I can not do anything! things are beyond my control!
I love her like my mom or more than her! I love my sister-in-lows,
brother-in-lows, I love her, my love, but what can I do? just
leave them! is it justic?!!!!my God answer it? I payed for this
feeling of freedom and my freedom, I payed too much! I payed
my love, my life, all poeple I loved , my family,my friends, the place I felt
relaxed and comfort, to find my self! to make my life! God!
it is not fear! not fear!
for two or at lats three days i will be here, in the company
of my kind Aunt and Uncle and their family!
they are not my real relatives at all! we have been freinds, family
freinds for more than 20 years, every time we come Tehran, we stay
here. they are really kind but alittle bit differnt from our traditions
and costums. Amu Parviz, my unlcle, and Khale azam, my aunt are young couples
she is 39 this year, but surprisingly she is a grandma! do not believe?
her children are a son, 18, and a daughter, 21. 2 years ago her daughter got
married with a 21-year-old boy. He did not go militery service,
nor did he had a good job! still he has not gone to militery service,
nor does he have a good job, too! by the way, because they live in
Tehran and because of his
familiy`s special condition, they did not like him nor have they
liked yet! he had no thing but have worked in Tehran more than 9 years
my uncle and aunt just because of their daughter support them, giving them
every thing, from furniture to the living place for aftert their marraige!
Shahryar`s family, their son-in-low, not giving them any thing but also
took their weddeing presents that Poone`s uncles and family gave! but Amu Parviz
and Khale Azam supported them, and now they have at least a satisfactory life!
With this story, I do not meant that Fathers and mothers must support
their children
to make their lives happy and successful, but I mean that to countinue a life
especially the mutual life, the children need to be supported by their parents.
Not as the respect of matariality, the condition of their lives or the situation
they need to survie their new-born lives, also it is needed, and one of the
parrents duties towards their children, the most important is their friendly
relationship with their son-in-low or daughter-in-low, to understand them and
help them to cope with the new challenging condition! beggining a nwe life,
especially with other strange girl or boy, itself naturally is worrisom and
makes the couples feel nervous and uncertain about thier choices. but here
the support of families, even one side not necessarily both sides, will
deffinitely help the new young couple to understand each other and accept
their new condition. The thing that my family nor Shahryar`s family
did! Not even her family did!!!
it is to important to have both sides`s satisfaction in marraige, or at
leaste one side`s. not like me swim agains the stream in the river!
Amu Parviz said "I support my son-in-low just because of my daughter.
if he suffers or feels uncomfort, my own daughter will deffinitely
suffer and be unhappy!" I should add here that he is not a reach
man at all, nor does he have a good condition. he is a clerk, a simple
clerk and with borrowing money and loaning from banks and friends has
done his duty! Thank you God!!!
Last night was the night that all God`s blessings sream on the earth
an whatever on it! God, the only Mighty, gives his mercy on all
creatures and humams on the earth, without any differnt among them. People
go to mosques and pray to God to bless them. they stay in there while
putting the Holly Quran on thier heads and crying, asking god to
appologize them and bless them.this night is the night that the Great
God desended his holly Book, our Quran, the lightness, the pureness
for guiding human in all times and all religons and places! and He promised
this night he blesses all sins of humans, and gives them whatever
they want and need! it`s onderful, isnt it?
I have never participated in such a cermony, however, I have liked
too much and now I like it, too. whereas Lisa insested me to
participate in this year Ghadr Night`s cermony, I did not! Khale Azam
and poone participated, and went to mosque. we did not. but I sincierly
prayed God, after almost 1 year away of praying, and asked him to bless
us, me and Zeinab, and returns my love, zeinab to me, with her
satisfaction and concent! I want to redo my deeds, I want to make
her happy and love her forever! last night, again, I missed her too
much, I rememberd all ours beautiful moments we have had with eachother,
of course they were too little, but even those moments made me happy
and feel glorious. but I always wished to survive this love,
unfortunately, it lasted not more long! I prayed and prayed and
prayed, cried and cried and cried, until the dawn broke in the
horizrn, asking God to bless me, us, my sins, my lies, my
egzagerations and my mistakes, to give an other chnace to show off,
to undo!If an miracle was to be shownby great kind God, it would
be happened this night and to day. I hope so with all my soul, with
every cell of my body. to bless us the love of each other and
freindshoip, to blonging to each other and live happily!
I was so depressed and missed her that I could not stand and bear
it, at mid night, I sent her a massage to tell her I missed her so
that I could not tolerate it! I wonder if she believed or not,
but it was really true!
To day, egain, like other days, in the morning I went out to look for
a job! the more I am looking for, the less I can get! I still try but
I do not know if God does not do any thing for me, us, what I should
do! I just know I must do my etempt, there is no other choice! she
called me at noon, to inform me that non of us can pass the M.A
examination! I have already known that! the questions were so
confusing, and out-of-source that no one could pass and succeed!
my going Austeralia also have had some problems! first beacause
our beautiful president, Ahmadi Nezjad,has a very wonderful
relations with western ountries, they make alot of problems
towards our travelling and migration to other countries, especially
English countries. the other problem is financial! it needs much
more money than I have! at least 6000000 RIL, 6000$. of course the
other problen is that the job-finding company in Esfahan, has not had
any job for me! just giving me visa and after I go there, I should
find a job for myself! because I know English!!! is it wonderful
and surprising? but it is my ultimate goal to go abroad for
studying and working but after I be sure that I could have at
least a life condition as equal as mine I have had previously!
Tommorow, I am going Karaj. one of my old friends who went to work
in police forces when I entered University. and now has a good job,
salary, savings, asked me to go there to maybe beging a new job
together. he supports me and gives me some money. I should see it!
Zeinab sent me sms an hour ago! she said she was at our home, and the
homw is depressing and missful without you! I answered "yes, here too,
is really miserable and depressing without you! then I calles home
and spoke with them all! I miss them all! why am I so emothional?
why? do not you think it is a big problem and my Aciel`s heel?
