Mon 29 Oct 2007
210
Cold, if invaginates the scourge,
Sink with blossoms, you, LOVE, the home,
Tell the red Rose to give me a sward
A sword for cutting that scourge.
Every seed turns to a garden, every garden to spring, if…
Your approve brings up the sprout
You’re the lest breeze if helps me..
I will pass world's greatest fall!
With her tears I gave water, with her affections sun,
When my heart spread the seed in your name.
O! LOVE, we that go with you to a solitude,
Congratulate this solitude and our company…
With your hand think of a bough, unless again…
The storm will destroy this nest.
LOVE, o! the continuous spring! O that in the midow…
Each flower is a sign of you sign less…
I sing spring's song, too, like sparrows,
Though with rose, I whispered this song
I love you, LOVE, just you, and…
Anytime as an excuse, I named a female name on you!
These two days ago, I was not in good mood, and even to day I am not either! I dreamed last night, again Zeinab! And that she come back to me, was very kind and friendly, and so beautiful and pretty, … what I should do? What can I do? To a little release my pains, my suffers, of nothing especial I can call!
I feel depressed and unhappy, and I think again I lost my motivations and positive thoughts! Two days ago, when I checked my mail, Lisa sent me a mail! I was confused and now even I do not know and I am not sure that what was her intention? Or what was she going to tell or ask me? She just wrote" goodbye" because she wants to take MS exam she needs to reduce some of her entertainments!!! (speaking of me and listening to me, she pretends as entertainments! Wonderful, isn't it?) and so if I do not answer to your smses or offs, do not worry, I am ok and just wok for MS, I should do my best" she wrote! Even she wrote in a way that I think she completely knows my feelings towards her and my love to herself! But she wrote "for any deed it is too soon," is this good, so? Or I should expect it as a NOT to my feelings?
I wrote in her answer "ok, I will not send you ant sms or off, study good for your MS, and just inform me sometimes of your conditions, you definitely I love you so much, and I really want God and hope of bottom of my heart your happiness and success in your life, and I hope in very near future, when my condition is ok and good enough, I can express my love to you and be with you for ever!" but besides of these kind affections, I feel still worried and unhappy, with this thought that she does not like me, and this was only a good excuse to get rid of me, how is it possible and fair? I must have a chance to express my love and propose her formally then she answers me yes or no! I do not know! And even you can see I am writing some nonsense things that even myself can not understand!
Its better I go, I am too studying for MA, so maybe just weekly I can connect and maybe I write, just may be! As I said you, I lost all my motivations with her leaving, even some I could gain of Lisa, now I lost them too! She made me feel confused! It is not justice, Lisa…
Sat 27 Oct 2007
231
My leopard's vain intention was jumping towards the moon…
Was descending of his highest mysterious moon on the earth!
My leopard- my proud heart- jumped and clutched at vain!
That LOVE- my highest moon- was to far to be reached at!
O! Bloomed flower! Goodbye, though the moment of your seeing…
Was beginning of a temptation in me, in the names of seeing and picking!
You and me are those lines, yes- helpless parallels-
That both of us believed since the beginning, would not reach at each other!
Although no dead flower, relieved again, but…
Spring, in trumpet- flower , continuously was inhaling…
I wanted wine, but my life, poured poison in my mouth,
The deceitful deceiver, her excuse was "NOT HEARING"!
How gloomy fate the little silk worm had, that…
Weaved all its life a cage, but flying was its thought!
Whatever you think, whatever in your mind and occupies it, will definitely happen to you in near future! This is the rule of this world, you can change your world just bye your mind and your thinking! That is right! The example is me! I have had in my mind the traveling to south of
Here in my classes all my students are so impressed that I think I have a very great effect on them! I have a children's class too. Babies I should call, for the first time in my life, another good experience! They are really cute and beautiful, some of them especially girls are so talkative that you can not believe they are 4-6 years old! Wonderful it is!
My roommate and colleague, Paliz Ban, is a very silent boy, 28-29 years old, a little bit proud and too deep and thoughtful, more than me, myself! I have not known more about him, but just to day knew that he has been fired of university because of some political problems he has had! He is not allowed to attend in any university or any job! Wonderful! He is, I guess, one of Guruhak`s members, one of those Mojahedine Khalgh that are against the regime! But how bad and miserable is that, how cruel that somebody should be fired out of university in his country and even can not have a job, just because of his ideas! I have always respected people's attitudes and ideas even if they were against me! We have not the right to isolate or banish or restrict those people against us, just because of their expressing of their ideas! Every body's idea s respectful and we should respect! This is the freedom! Unfortunately in our beautiful country we should witness such cases! Disappointing! Really disappointing!
I am annoyed of Lisa! Why? She has understood my feelings and love towards herself, and changed her behavior towards me, like other ordinary girls! I have thought she is different from others but…! I decided not to send her any sms, it was last night, but I do not know why I can not stop myself not to send her messages! I have missed her too much! Childish, ha?!!! I have not seen her recently, just two months ago, in my office, but I have fallen in love with her already! I love her too much, I want to be with her all the time, to be loved by her, just a word, a simple sentence, but she ignores me, keeping ignoring me, why? I have no idea!
Last night I sent her "all facts were some day dreams, and you can change the world and reach to your dreams just by thinking and power of your mind!" she answered "of course that's right, but I do not know why we, after reaching our dreams, we forget them!" really why? Can you tell us?
Here is a really exile, banish! The whether is so hot, humid and hot winds below that is resembling the hell comes down on the earth! The whether is some how like the hot whether of Zanjan`s middle summer, which lasts just for 2 weeks, not more! But here and now I can see that!
From home, they all missed me, daddy, mommy, Farzaneh and Milad, they all want me back home, but I do not! There is really no thing there waiting for me! Lisa rejects me, and Zeinab left me already! Why should I come back? I missed a little Zeinab, to be frank, but she is too unfaithful and too cruel that never misses me any more! I am sure! Hey hey hey, my God what are you doing for me? (I should tell you from yesterday I began to pray God and worship Him formally, I made up with Him! What can we do? Against the dictator? And His dictatorship? Really? What can we do?"
Thu 25 Oct 2007
Farzad and Javad two of my friends called me, they miss me, but I invited them o come here, to enjoy ourselves! Hamed, too, sends sms every day that when are you coming back? Daddy, this morning called and greeted with me, insisted that I come back to Zanjan! Mina, my friend and one of my previous students, sent sms last night telling "you left your job here and enjoying yourself there, may be you have found better friends that you would not like to come back!" I answered "no! I have never had friends like you, three or four, nor will I have in the future! You know that I never be familiar with my students when they are my students, but after finishing their courses, and when I know them completely, accept them as my friends, and after all, here the girls pr even boys never can reach to your moralities, faithfulness, good behaviors, high-class ness, knowing God, frankness, sincere and most of all your beauties and prettiness! You my friends are unique and rare in all the world!"
Yes, here they are so ugly and black and low class that you can not even compare them, they are completely incomparable! My friends Narcissi, Mina, Zeinab and especially Lisa are so pretty and beautiful that I can not find any word to describe their beauties, they are so friendly and so kind and so high class that no one can reach them! It is the reality, the truth!
Mina and others asked me when I come, why should I come back? In Zanjan I have no thing to lose, or somebody wait for me! Do I? no one misses me or loves me, as my beloved one! I am looking for my true love, even every where I can go, I will go! Know just two things determine one's settlement and hometown: his LOVE and his job! None of them I have in Znajn! So everywhere I can find one of them or if I am lucky both of them, there is my settlement and home town, am I right?
I was right about Lisa! She was sad at me! I mean she was unhappy not I caused directly but somehow indirectly! She heard some rumors that even when I insisted on telling me, she did not! She just said "they say sth that made me unhappy, and it is related to me too!" but I do not know "ok," people say that, but why Lisa's smses and behaviors changed towards me? Why you girls are always the same?!!! When you know directly somebody loves you or misses you, you change your behavior towards him and become cruel? He is the same boy before you have! Just this time tells you the truth and sincerely wants to show you his love! Why are you doing that? You Lisa? Or you Mina? Or you Narcissi? Or you all girls? Why?
I can guess some how that what was the rumor! They say I love Lisa! Yes, that is true, not rumor at all! It is the fact that I have already fallen in love with Lisa, I love her so much and even I told her this matter! My condition is something challenging and unfixed, it is not suitable to express my feelings towards Lisa directly or doing sth! As she herself said "for any decision making, now, in my condition, every thing is too soon, and I must wait for sometime after condition is a little bit good, I make my decision for my life!" and I am waiting for my condition gets better to make my mine to come back Zanjan and propose Lisa to marry with me and begin a new life, the one I always have loved to have, or no staying here or going an other place to look for my true love! I think Lisa and I can be a good couple, because our thoughts are mostly same! I want just a good family, my love be with me every day and every time, to be together, to bring up our small family cooperatively and our little child, too. To love each other with no condition or pre condition! To love each other and help each other to be perfect, to reach God, the mighty and only certainty! Lisa once told me " my goal first is to know God and reach to Him. Then completing the life's natural cycle! To marry, to love, to bring up my children and …" simple, isn't it? so you can see our sameness? Of course it take a lot of tome to know each other, to accept each other as spouses and … but first I must find my self and can count on my self to begin thinking of proposing Lisa and beginning lovely, mutual life with her! Am I right?
I must go, I do not have any computer, and my lap top has not come yet, but I want to establish a computer center here to connect internet, from the institute and then we can meet much more, see you my all dear friends, best regards to you from Bandar Kong…
Tue 23 Oct 2007
in badar Kong
227
Don't stay on a broken bridge, since it is so dangerous
The river, the first-breathing dragon, under your feet is passing…
The opportunity for flower's staying, is too short, and since you look
From fields, wind's prey is color, odor, wing and fly!
Love said" don't begin a trip without any reason,
O! my way's reason, ah! That trip, is this one!
O! the benefit of both worlds, in each transaction in which…
There is not a trace of you, for both sides is lose and damage.
O! gazed at death! Love is against you!
Her eyes are towards you, and yours are behind
Night passed, and still you have not believed the day…
Don't fall in love with a dead candle, since the sun is going on
With your papered spring, in a four-door-fall room
Have stayed and neglected that, the spring is behind the door
Beside all memories, don't pass…
Don't review the death, the life is prettier
Be so that from the love's east, your fortune's morning, appears
That this is, just, a pioneer, and still is one of dawn's effects!
Finally I could find here a coffee net to connect into internet and use their computer. Here, in Bandar Kong, 10 km away of Bandar Lengeh, I live in a room shared by a Tehranian boy, Amir Mohamad Paliz Ban, a good boy but too quiet, quieter then me! Imagine how would happen two quiet people be roommates!
The weather is hot and humid, but bearable for me! And the sea, here completely differs from north one, Caspian! Here is too calm, less wavy and bluer than there! I have not gone swimming yet! And of course I have not done any thing especial! I want to buy a motorbike and then go and peel everywhere!
My classes started! All my classes are girls and women, for one month term. Here I have done sth very pleasing, challenging and wonderful, like a mile stone! I going to change the way of their learning and teaching English! Mr. Galbat, the manager, is a boy younger than me!!! And I want to give him my experiences in my classes and different institutes here!
One of my classes are so resembling to my last year class, Lisa and others were there! I call them their nicknames, Lisa, Sara, Diana, and etc! I have loved two classes, one of them was Lisa's, and I am really proud of that I was their teacher, especially Lisa's, she was my the best student who could gain complete score of 100 for 5 terms continuously!
I spoke about Lisa, I remind her, it has been so long time, maybe a week, that we have not contacted! I missed her! But she was too busy and too angry that refused my sms! Why? I do not have any idea!
Narcissi told me some good news, and she promised me to help! I do not know how she could help, but I will really appreciate her kindness towards mine!
These classes let me be away a little of my memories and be relaxed, as Lisa told me once! take it easy, but I do not know why she herself does not so!
I have to go, it is late and they are closing here! But I will be back soon, bye all my dear friends!
