After almost 2 hours I am going back to sough of Iran, to Kong. It was good to be here after some time, but being here, again made me depressed and feel regretful about the past and about… why can't I forget her? I just pretend to forget her, but I can't! Why? Why am I so emotional with a little hope in the deepest corner of my heart that she will come to me some day! Every place here, every time I remember her memories, her words, her voice! Her … no body resembles her! No body! Even speaking with my friends, my good friends can not help me to forget her! They try hard to help me with their kindness, especially Narcissi and Mina but…! Why did you do that? Why? Why did you make this suffer to me? Why did you let me pain of your away ness? What I just want that you could not give it to me? Was it so great that you were not be able to? I just wanted your love and kindness that never did you offer me! Never! Was it so hard? Was it so hard? Frankly, here I did not go out, especially to the places that there was more chance to see her occasionally and by chance! But in my heart there was a great passion to do that! Even last night I was so depressed and missed her that suddenly decided to send her at least a sms to tell her my feelings, but I could control myself, however all night I could not sleep! She is too i=unfaithful and unfriendly that you can not imagine! Why should I miss her so? I do not know! My this behavior and thought annoys me! My daddy has called her more than 6 times, Golbabayee told me! He asked me to call her! But I can't! mommy told she just said the reason to your daddy that because you did not give us your car I got divorced! Every one hears this laughs! They insist on to ask her to bring back whatever they bought for her and mine! But I have not accepted their idea! I told her "whatever I bought for you as a gift of love or friendly they are yours, I do not want them any more…!" she said "ok, but I must get them back! This is the rule and custom!" I said "whatever you like!"  but she has not done any thing about it! Even she has not told anybody except her family in Zanjan ,not even her sisters in Qom and Tehran! She even called home, mom was not home but Farzaneh was! She talked to Farzaneh and told "I missed you, especially mommy and you too much! You forget me so soon…!" but not called me! I do not know what her intention is! None of her friends, even closest friends, Rana and Azam know any thin about our divorce, after almost a month and a half! I am so confused, so miserable that prefer to leave here as soon as possible and never come back! Here I do not any thing to lose! I must go… I must…!

What's wrong with me? Am I a little bit abnormal? I make my friends bother, and annoyed at me. How? With my sensitivity and with my little patience, I bothered Mina and Narcissi today, due to nothing especial! Of course I was not in good mood today, last night I could not sleep even a moment, I was not thinking or even I was not doing any thing especial! Just I was crying! Why? I don't know! Maybe I remembered her, because in the morning I was in the university, and remembered all the beautiful and painful times I had had with her and alone, all the deeds and actions I had done for her, from giving her a rose to helping her doing her homework and lessons. I felt depressed whole the night and today, at noon, I was online, both Narcissi and Mina got online and began to chat, unfortunately I bothered both of them, made them unhappy and now I am feeling guilty and sinful! Why did I so?!!!

These days I could see all my friends, Hamed, Farzad, Ahad, Javad, Yegane and  Mina, but I have not seen Narcissi and most important Lisa that I miss her too much! Hamed has begun his English lessons with Azarpeivand, one of my old colleges, and he is of course very talented and very intelligent boy, 19-20, and a little inventor! He has been working on some projects that are noble and inventories for Kharazmi festival. If he can manage to, he will enter the best university without Konkour! He is so kind and of course very philosophical and deep thinking boy. He has a very very shinning future, I hope so.

Farzad is studying for A.D of his major, Architecture, and he is doing his best to enter the university and have a good future. He is too worried about me, but I calmed him that there is nothing to be worrying about!

I have started to study for M.A in linguistics but I have not made my mind about my second major to take for Konkour. MBA or Teaching or even Translation are my best interests but I do not know what to do. Galbat called me when are you coming back here, to continue your classes, and I got plane ticket for Bandar Lengeh on Saturday.   

I got a mail form an institute in Asalouyeh, in the sough of Iran to go there and take some classed as IELTS teacher, they offer good salary and good accommodation, and I am thinking about it, maybe if Bank's job is refused and I will not be able to accept it, I can go there and work! I decided not to repeat my pervious mistakes about my life, my mutual life, I need a good job first and then making and saving good money and then supplying some facilities for my love and then propose her, how long that takes, no matter, I am sure my true love will be waiting for that! My God… ok, boy! Send them sms to apologize about your bad behavior and release yourself of this bad feeling! Now… hurry up!

To day it was my interview for bank's job that I took its exam 2 months ago. Because of this I came Zanjan.

In the interview, manager of the bank and his 3 vice presidents were sitting around a table and I entered and after greeting sat on an armchair before them. First one of them who had a beard and was almost Hezbollahi, started and asked me to introduce my self and talk about my biography. I started and continued that" I am a translator and teacher of English and it has been more than 4 years that I have been working and teaching. I have translated 3 books and wrote 2 books and etc." he said "have you got some expectations that what would be your job here?" I said " no! but in my idea it must be related to my major, as a translator maybe I work, or as an trading and marketing operator or somebody familiar to foreign currency." He added "what is the hardest work in the bank?" I answered" in my idea, teller, too difficult and too hard". He said "ok, with all of these experiences and cultural things you have done, don't you think that being a teller is not deserving you? You are going to be a teller in Tarom or Mahneshan with a low salary of 150000 tomans, much lower than what you have made now!" I answered "you see, in our nowadays condition and social affairs no one pays any attention to your interests and likes, on the other hand, it is true that I can make money now more than that you say, but it is not continuous and it is not fixed, and I am always under pressure and stress, and I can not plan for my life. I am looking for a job, a stable job with a fixed salary even low but fixed to release myself of this pressure and stress. I have a morality, that is, whatever the job is, even the lowest one in my idea, such as asking me to clean this table every morning and every evening, I will do my bests and perfectly complete it."

The manager started" if you work as a teller and you have a customer, you give him or her some travelers check and you are sure about your documentation, but he comes back and claims that you made a mistake and you must give him money, even he gets angry and even he swears you. What will be your reaction?" I answered" always customers have rights and whatever they do, in every organization not even banks, they must be replied respectfully and with patience! I will refer him or her to my manager to solve the problem and pursue him or her that my documents are correct and it is his or her fault." He nodded, then said "what distinct characteristics do you have that your family and friends and workmates have acknowledged them?" I said "you see, this is the question you must ask them to tell not me, because if you ask somebody speak about his own moralities and characteristics, he will definitely tell you positive points not negatives!" he added "I know, but we are now speaking sincerely and frankly, you begin…" I replied " ok, I am so flexible, patient and so calm that barely get angry and always good tempered! If I say I am always frank and sincere, I am lying you, yes! I some times tell lies but frankly I try to tell lies as less as possible, and try not to tell lies!" they smiled!

He told to his workmates " you know, we have 6 English persons all of them are good in interview much more than others…" I said "you know why?" they all paid attention to me! I continued "because with learning a language like English a very beautiful, other world, completely different form ours appears before your eyes! You see and understand a lot of noble things and experience some things that you have not done before!" the other vice president asked" don't you think that knowing a lot makes the life much more difficult and hard? A farmer who works on his farm and never watches news has a very comfortable life!" I said "yes, you are right, he has the least stress, but nowadays in the era of information, much more information you know you are more successful, and without information you always must mime and follow others, but with information you can control your own life, and take whatever under your control! Of course in this case very little change causes you to get stressed and get old sooner!" they all agreed and laughed! Did I tell anything ridiculous that made them laugh?

I told "learning English is not as mush difficult as you expect! You can learn it very easily in a very short time, within 6 months to 9, I warranted it…". The first vice president exclaimed "very good sir! Can I have your phone number to take some classed with you?" before my answer, the forth vice president said smiling "yes, we have his number, …" he said "ok!" I smiled!

The manager said "ok, I have a verse of Imam Sajad (peace been upon him) that I like so much and I want you translate it, so that I can compare it with others." I said " imagine here there is a contractor, a good one, you ask him to build a wall, but you give him nothing, not any tools or even bricks and cement! He is the best, but with his bare hands he gathers soul and makes a pile of earth, nothing more! Give him tools and materials then see what will be his result! Now you ask me to translate a verse, a very deep verse of one of the greatest men in the history without any dictionary! Impossible! I need a 500-page dictionary to translate that little line!" they surprised!

He said "I know but I want just compare yours with others, and I said ok! Tell me!" he said " Khodaye man, man chizi be kolbeye faghiraneh khod darm ke to dar arshe kebryayat nadari! Man to ra daram va to kasi chon kod nadir!" (I finglished it, it is Persian but written with English alphabet!) I translated "O my Lord! I have some thing in my poor cottage that you do not have in your heavenly palace, I have a person like you, but you don't have a person like yourself!" I could really understand of their faces that nothing of that they could understand! Then the first vice president said "we were really happy and honored that meet you, it was a great pleasant, if we can be each others` workmates we will be happy more, if not again we hope success for you in your life!" I said "so do I". then they stood up and all of them shook my hands very friendly and said goodbye!

I feel they do not like me to work as a teller, they say "you deserve much more that that!" but in my idea I do not like it too, however I am hapless to choose it, maybe just because of its advantages and benefits for my life and future! But what is your idea? What will be the result? Do they accept me with these bold and brave answers I gave them?

Today in the morning I went Abhar to my university to take my B.A document to give to the bank. There I walked and walked and a lot of memories came to my mind! All good and bad ones, with Zeinab! I got depressed! Suddenly Mina smsed me, asked me "where are you?" I forgot when I told her I would go university! She studies here in statistics, in her 5^th term! I said "I am here" and she came to me and we sat on a bench in the very beautiful yard and talked for more than 2 hours!

I needed somebody to talk in that moment! We talked about my life, the repeated story, because she asked me some questions. She had not known that Zeinab and I got engaged and our engagement broke up! When she heard that she was too sorry and regretful with continuously asking why? Why did she do that? Why did you do that? She was tearful! Common! So kind and sweet hearted and emotional! I tried to make her calm and explained more! I do not want again here repeat the same story! I hate repeating it! She gets bloomed and so pretty and beautiful that I have not expected! Maybe I have not watched her face from a very close distance! And maybe because I always watched Zeinab`s face her face was completely strange to me and odd! Why?!!!!! But she is expecting from life more, like Zeinab she is so ambitious but not reaching Zeianb anymore! We goodbyed and I came back by a car, she by the university's bus! She then smesd me that she liked we could talk much and more, it was too short, I said I hoped too! What do you think? Do you think she likes me? I like her, but I do not know if she likes me or not! You girls are completely strange and unexpetable!

Girls are all jealous and envious! Believe me! Why?

Ms. Yeganeh one my previous colleagues and one my of course good friends is a very kind and sweet hearted girl around 20-21. she is the student of computer and is very patient and very good behavior girl that every boy hopes to be her friend and get married with her. She is very trustable and very sincere person with a really a high soul in her slender body. Mina is her close friend and of course Lisa and even Nurses are her friends too. I do not know if there is somebody that is not her friend. Javad my friend, one of my old friends is a 29-30 year old boy and slim, a little younger than his real age seems and always I am elder than he is. He is a tailor and very good boy, patient, calm and too cautious, unlike me, I am so risky and adventurous, he has wanted to get married and it has been long time he is looking for a good girl but can not find her. He asked me if I knew a good girl, maybe among my students, or among my colleagues, I thought for some time and in my idea Yeganeh and he can be matched, both of them deserve a very good life and happy of course. So I decided to introduce them to each other, to be familiar more of each other and maybe they can begin a new happy life, and I did that, it was before my leaving Zanjan to Bandar Lenge. Yeganeh wanted to know him more and due to this asked to see me. I accepted and in a coffee shop, Ramina I think, in Zeinabieh street, I met her and explained every thing, some how described Javad and told her some more details and then asked her if she liked I could ask him to come and they could see each other face to face. She accepted, and I asked him to come and buy a red rose for her. He came and then I left them alone to be with each other.

Now you can ask "ok! So what's the relation of this with girls` jealousy?" I am explaining now. I said you that Mina is her closest friend and whatever they do they report to each other! She asked me to invite Mina to coffee shop too, but I told her it was not related to her, and next time we could invite her, but not that time, because she and he wanted to see each other for the first time! It was not so pleasant that before your friend you wanna see you lover!

Tonight Mina sent a sms to me "I heard that you invite Yeganeh to a coffee shop, but not me! How you are my friend?" I got annoyed of her and have not answered her yet! So is it a girlish jealousy or something else? I hate jealousy and being envied of some body! After Zeinab I have not undertaken any promise or I have not promised any body as my lover and love, and because of that I must not speak to other girls or others just because they are opposite sex! First of all I must explain that I always treat with people in a way that it is not any important for me their sex or gender, all people know me acknowledge this matter, and then if I love one of them and in the case that I promise her, I myself understand and never do any thing that hurt their feelings or causes some problems! I have no idea about this behavior of most of girls! Are you one of them? If yes, good bye!