Tue 27 Nov 2007
rejected love
123
In the street that is over flown of your odor
I am passing and my mind is filled of your memories
I am quiet, but the hot wind in the summer's noon
Is talking deeply with acacias
There is an alley, here, that from us in its every corner
A face of a cry from a memory is appearing!
An alley that its proud gravels
Are always level under the feet of lovers
This is the same alley! I am turning to it, however,
If you are not here, walking, too, is difficult!
The frame of every door here, in my eyes…
Is a frame of a portrait from your fairy face!
The alley itself is deep in sleep, and I see
A shadow on the curve of it is awake
The shadow is waiting for another shadow
The eyes are waiting for each other's meeting
Although we know- me, you and the shadow, too…
Since you're not here, the sun in sick, too!
These days I feel neutral and nothing especial I feel! I do not know why! But maybe I am losing all my humanistic feelings and love, Paliz Ban gave me a book about Humanistic, that is a philosophical and psychological book, by Jhon Froum, I think, I like it too much, it is describing most of my feelings and behaviors I have had and never I could have had any reasonable answer to them! I can find some of my questions` answers there! Maybe I can write some of its good sentences here!
The term here is going to end within a week, but after that I do not know what should I do! Should I return home? Or stay here? Or I can go even to Asaluie! At home no one waits for me! Wonderful! Even Mina rejected my love and has not accepted it! She was feeling so terrible for two or three days and then told me "good night Mr. Mousavi! You see! I am really thankful to be with you within this time, and it was really great for me, but I can not continue! Maybe you ask ""if you do not like why did you stay with me?"" frankly I should speak to you, I liked so much to help you to release of this condition and pain in your heart, and I think I could do it somehow, then I wanted to think more about you and your condition, but I see I can not get along with myself, my mommy and my family…! Maybe you say ""we can be each others friends…"" but as a fact I do not like the friend ship of a girl and a boy except they belong to each other and otherwise it is meaningless! However, still I am ready to hear of you and listen to your words if you like to speak somebody! By the way, I hope you apologize me! Ok my dearest kindhearted? I ask God always be happy and successful and please take your bank job serious. Goodnight"
I wrote here her exact words! She liked me but just because of my past… she did not accept my love! I did not love her, because I decided not to fall in love with sb again, unless I feel sure that she really loves and wants me! I replied very simply "ok! But you have made your mind too soon, it would better to give me a chance to talk to you face to face and explain about my past… by the way, I hope you get successful too."
And now I feel nothing! Everybody I like leaves me! Great! I decided never now and then to think about love and marriage any more! What should I do? Ha? Nobody accepts my love! That’s better not to follow love!
2 nights ago, I dreamed Zeinab again, that she returned to me and kissed me so passionately that I felt so relaxed and piece that now I can not describe, but she was so sad and crying that all the after day I just was thinking about her! What happened? I wanted to call her or at least to send her a message to ask her life, but I controlled myself! She died! For me she died, my love died and now I have no feelings towards her! Completely neutral! Just in this case I can take it easy and not bother myself! She died for me, died and finished!
I want to make 2 or 3 other web logs and put there all my works, translations, books …, even I encouraged my students here to have a web log for themselves and I manage and control their works! It is a really noble idea that reached into my mind!
