Tue 11 Dec 2007
I am a Jewish! Don`t I have Jewish eyes? Were not my hands, organs, sizes, feelings, affections and emotions Jewish? I am feed by the same dish, I am injured by the same gun, I am suffered by the same dishes? I am cured by the same medicines, I feel cold by the same winter, and I feel warm by the same summer that a Christian does. If you pock me and a Christian a pin, blood does not flow? If you tickle both o us, we won`t laugh? If you force us to have poison, won`t we die? If you do wrong with us, we won`t compensate? If they are all true, so we are just as the same as you!
Shylock, the usurer character in Shekspier `s Venisian Merchant Play.
Once Susia in his prayers with his God said “o! God! I love you so much, but I am not afraid of you enough, let me frighten of you, like your angles that are impressed of your impressing presence!” and God accepted his request, and his impressing name pretended in Susia`s hidden heart, as impressed at angles`. But as a result of this pretences, Susia crawled under a bed like a frightened dog, and an animal fear trembled him in a way that he haltingly supplicated “ O! my God! Let me love you like Susia, again” and God accepted his request this time, too!
Humanistic morality considers human the focus and eminent of all the things, however, this does not mean that the human is the center of universe, it means that he is the root of his value judgments like his other judgments about special features of his own existence, and in fact, human is the scale and criteria of everything and nothing is higher than, and valuable than human existence.
Human feels happiness just in cohesion and relation with his own species, because of the necessity of his nature`s features. Kindness and affection to neighbors is not a phenomenon higher than human characteristics, otherwise, are the components of human nature that shines; love and affection are not tasks that are super forces that are penetrated, they are not tasks that are imposed on him; but they are natural and inherent forces by which human bends himself to the universe and by which he controls the world and gets it under his ownership.
The general concept of irrelativeness versus totalism is in the religious thoughts in which God`s realm is considered total and is distinguished of human`s defected realm, except this total religious field, the totalism is completely meaningless in moral principles and has nowhere in scientific thinking.
Old-testament has an image and embodiment of powerism at the beginning of the discussion of human`s history. Adam and Eve`s sin is not expressed by the terminology of the action itself; eating of forbidden fruit of knowledge tree for goodness and evil is not bad and indecent by itself, in fact, Jewish and Christianity religious both agree that the capacity of distinguishing goodness from badness is a basic virtue; the sin was disobedience; opposing against God`s power, the God that threatened of human to be one of “them”, can distinguish goodness and evil and can step beyond it and with reaching to the tree of life, can get everlasting life (it means a rival to God in the board of universe).
Living is itself an art, and in fact the most important and at the same time the most difficult and the most complex art that human experiences. The aim of it is not doing a special task, but its goal is a life deserving admiration and culturing of natural talent. In the field of art of life, human is both an artist and the product of art, is the sculptor and the marble stone, is the doctor and the patient, too.
The aim of human life is revealing of his forces according to the laws of human nature; so human has no collective characters, while in the core of human qualities is in common with others, always he is a unique individual and a unique personality and differs from every other ones.
Character, morality, talent and tempers of everyone is like fingerprints different form theirs. Every person can improve his humanistic capacities by just expressing his owe self’s characteristics. The task of being alive, and surviving is the same task of being “self|” and reaching to a personality that the potential “self” has.
Goodness in the principle of humanistic is life confirmation and the expression of humanistic forces, and virtue means the feeling of responsibility for existence, for the “self” the devil and badness makes humanistic forces paralysis; evil and badness mean irresponsibility towards yourself.
Aristotle says “ the norm of virtue (perfectness) is activity” he means the experience of tasks and the capacities of that are especial for human. Happiness that is human goal is the product of activity and being been used; not inactivity nor silence of thinking. He says “(gives an example of Olympic games) the prize will not be given to the most good-shaped and the strongest one, otherwise, it is for the who enters the competition field ( because victorious one raise among competitors,), so everyone does any action is victorious, the right winner of life`s goodness and geniuses.
Whether I am a human weather I share with my other species, weather I see, hear, eat and drink, all creatures have, but “I” belongs to “me” and “I” is “mine” only, not others, or angles or even the God- but I am just with my creator, the God.
Ekhart
The wise man always thinks of life not death.
Character: the individual features of a special person;
Different kinds of characters:
1. Receptor Orientation
2. Exploitive Orientation
3. Marketing Orientation
4. Productive Orientation
Receptor Orientation: in this orientation person feels that the source of all goodness is in outside world, and believes that the only way of providing his requests- weather material or affection, love and knowledge - is from outside sources. In this orientation love exclusively means to be loved by some one, not to love someone; these people confuse in their beloved one selection and they can not distinguish him or her because for them to be loved and affected by someone is such an irresistible experience that love everyone who expresses affection and love towards them, or they think so; they are so sensitive towards unkindness and neglecting of their beloved one, the thought orientation of these people is alike, too. If they are intelligent and clever, they are the best listeners, since their orientation is getting of ideas not involving or creating of them. If they are leaved by themselves, they will become ineffective and paralysis. They always look for someone that gives them necessary information. If they are religious, again their relationships with others is the same, they always look for a miracle and a person who does that. These people are so faithful, but in the deepness of this gratitude towards someone who feed them, there is also the fear of losing her, too. Saying “NO” for them is very difficult and they can easily stick between faithfulness and promise. Since they can not say “NO” so they like saying “YES” to everyone and every thing, therefore, their natural capacity paralysis and in creatively relay on others.
Here in Zabol, every thing is really different from that we have had in our minds, every every thing! People , their behaviors and even the environment! There were a lot of rumors about the savageness and barbarian acts these people have and about their hostilities with us, arresting, kidnapping or even killing us! But here when we arrived, a man with his car drove us to city center and then for more than an hour showed us the bazaar and shops and helped us to find the electronic devices, laptops, MP3 s and even he found us a hostel to stay. When we wanted to give him some money as respecting his kindness he friendly did not accept it! We really got surprised! These people against our prejudice, are Shie and different from Baluch people of Zahedan, they are Sonnei. Whoever heard we were going there and we are here, were shocked and the first question was “why are you going there? Do you want kill yourselves?” even some people from Zahedan told us that there, in their Bazaars they sell guns and every kinds of weapons, they have always gun with themselves and do not laugh or joke there, because they are Sonni and very strict about these kinds of acts and you may get them angry and maybe they wanna harm you!
To be frank, all of these rumors affected us and in our hearts` deepest corners, we felt scared, especially when we were passing those high valleys and hot, waterless deserts! O boy! What is Sahara desert in Africa or Nevada desert in America?! Here this desert is one hundred times much dryer and hotter than them and much more lifeless than every other deserts of the world! Here there has an area, Kallate, which is the hottest area of the world, 55 degrees of centigrade! Wonderful! As much as eyes can see, nothing is there, unless sand, dry soul, hot earth and boiled weather! But remember, when you want to come here, do not take any bus, and if you take, do not take the road of Kerman, Bam and Zahedan! Ok?! Of course here is not where the family, especially girls and women can stand! Its better come here alone and single!
Zabol, Rostam`s ancient city, there called now “Shahre Soukhteh” means the burnt city, is located in its 15th kilometers. Unfortunately we could not go there, because architectures were carving and discovering antiques. The Bazaar is smaller than ours in Zanjan but much bigger than Lengeh and even Baneh in kordestan. It is like other Iranian traditional Bazaars and they sell every thing from textures ad clouds to drugs and spices, from animals to birds and pigens. There are Afghan people, mostly coming to purchase.
We decided to go Afghanistan, because we heard that there is a big market for electronic devices. But they said there is dangerous especially for us, Iranians because Americans arrest us if they knew we are Iranians. Afghan people catch us and deliver us to Americans and get prizes! We did not go and so we went Pakistan. We went there illegally, wearing Baluch cloths and paid 30000 tomans to pass us across from the boarders. Unfortunately, about two months ago, it was just 2ooo tomans! We went to “Shahre No”, the new city away from boarders for 5 minutes. Electronic devices were ok, but you can not bring them back to Iran, so we did not buy anything, and came back Miejaveh, there the big market of scraped irons and second hand machine, then we came back Zabol, and bought some Laptops and Mp3s and digital cameras.
Some times I feel lonely too extremely that just by contacting with a friend I feel better, if that friend is someone I feel love towards her, Lisa, I feel great and feel that still I am useful and there is some one back that understands me and at least likes me, not love! But I have not known why she has not reply to my greetings and smses, suddenly three nights ago, after I sent her a beautiful sentence of my own translations, she replied “thank you for your very beautiful sentences that send to me, but I fee inconvenience and angry at you! But the passing of time helped me to fell better, why did you do that? You played a scenario? Do you know what feelings I have had since that time? I felt guilty, I felt sad and I felt conscience striking! And in fact it was just a play of you! I do not know what role you have in it and to what extent it was!” I shocked, I said “I do not have any control on it, nor did I want that!”. In spite of all her anger towards me, she respectedly and kindly said good night. I felt guilty and so regretful that why I accepted Narcissi’s idea, that I am accused of a non-done action of mine! I decided to sent her an email and explain her the whole story, and then let he make her mind. We can not do anything about the feelings or ideas other people have about us! We do not have any control. I always try hard to leave beautiful memories in people`s minds and hearts, good and pretty lines of pure emotions and feelings, and I think most the time I have been succeed, unfortunately when I want to be a little more familiar with them, to see and respect my needs and emotions of mine, they feel angry and get awy of me! Lisa told me “I like you and respect you as my teacher!” but our teacher-student relation has already finished! I do not like to be her teacher! I hate to be teacher and just be others ladder to go up and clime over my shoulders and then forget me, forget whatever I did for them, forget my love and affections towards them, just because it was my duty and responsibility! No! my dear no! it finished a year and a half ago! Now we are each other`s friends and I love you! This is the fact! I love you from the bottom of my heart! And if every thing goes well and nice I am going to propose you, and if you accept… why people act in a disappointing way when they see your heart and they understand whatever reality is in your heart?!!!! I expected more of Lisa, especially her prejudice about me! I sent her an email yesterday and asked her to read it and then judge about me! I will not contact with her until she, herself, contact with me. If she does not, I won`t! I called Mrs. Rezaie to speak with her about Lisa`s misunderstanding and prejudice. I told her about my feelings towards her, she listened and suggested that “it`s better to continue your educations and after 5 years think about such issue!” how cruel she is! She does not understand me! She says “ I am scared you depend on her, you replace her in your heart with Zienab, and again you repeat your mistake! “ I agreed with her, and promised her until two years I will not say such a thing and will not express my feelings towards her, and I will make my life materially and my mind mentally and my behavior so independent and reliable that she can depend on me and she can trust on me as her man, as her love and husband! She accepted. I must do my best to continue my education and find a good work and make good money to bring her a happy and relaxed life for ever! I do not boast, you may think, otherwise, I know myself and I know my abilities and I am sure I can do it with my determination and God`s kindness!
Mrs. Hasani, our secretary in Zabansara, called me, and greet me, she was so unhappy and sad and cried hard when she heard the news of my divorcing! I shocked! Why? She said “I have a same problem!” I shocked more! She said “he left me and went Kish to work there, he did not take me, he says “here is not good for you” maybe he does not love me any more and maybe I am a disturbant for him! I do not want to impose him myself!” I said “come on, take it easy! You have lived with each other more than 5 years! You must bear it and solve it! He may need sometime to be alone, may be he wants to improve your lives, maybe a lot of things! Just be patient and think more about it! Do not be so strict towards him! Understand him . ok? I will come back and speak with you, but do not do anything especial with that, ok?” she said “ok”. I wonder why you women and girls are so strict and are so emotional with our husbands and lovers! Take it easy ok? I need some one to talk to me, to help me, but I must help her too! I do not know what if Lisa was not with me during that hard-up days! Not to listen to me and be sympathetic with me! To help me, to listen me whenever I needed her, midnight, noon, … thank you my dear friend! I really appreciate your kindness and never do I forget it, and YOU! I really and from my bottom of my heart, I love you, and I am faithfully proud of you and to be one of your candidates! Thank you my dearest one! Thank you!
