Wed 19 Dec 2007
A day before yesterday, in the evening, when I was walking in Sadi street, I encountered one of my previous students, who I could not remember her name. She cheerfully came to me and after greeting , when I asked “what do you do? Do you teach computers as before? (I have already known that she is teaching computer, her major is computer science)”. She told me “yes, and I myself established an institute, Rayan Daneshgah”. I got surprised!
I always love active and productive people, especially girls and women, why? Because in our culture, unfortunately, there is no chance and any opportunity for girls to improve their lives and to reach at high levels of development and growth, which I always insist that especially girls must have education and then they must undertake responsibility. We must learn and change our minds first and then our culture to give them the chance to show off, to show their abilities, to use their potentialities and work, not like what our ancestors done, and unfortunately most of our nowadays people think so, and do, restrict them just into the houses to do housework, to grow children and to cook and …! I hate this kind of thinking and morality! We must understand that half of our societies forces are girls and women and if we want to improve our nation and welfare, we must apply the most part of our potential forces, too, I mean women and girls.
By the way, I got very happy and congratulated her, but she said “dear teacher, would you mind if getting partnership with me? To be frank, I have financial problems and I am looking for a trustee one to associate, our work has got known and now I have a lot of students and teachers there to teach! But I need help, the expenses are too high, may you join us?” I thought for a moment, and then said “ok, but first I have to consider the situation and then answer you, I need a place to re-establish my translation institute.” And it was to see each other the next day morning to speak about. When we are going to say good-bye, she told “your dearest student is with us, too!” I got surprised! “Who?” I asked. She replied “Lisa, she is working there, she is teaching!” I got so surprised and so happy that now I can not even describe! Just because she has a work and activity, however, she deserves much more than that! I said “wonderful news, but, in this case, I think I can not work with you!” she got surprised “why?” I said nothing, but she insisted that “you and Lisa have got along well with each other, I do not think there will be any problem; she will get very happy when hears this news!” I said “ok, I will come tomorrow to speak about, but no one should know about that!”
Do you know why I think so? Just because I do not want to make any bothering or any problem for Lisa. She is working there, and I do not want my presence make her worried or under any kind of pressure! I love her and I love to be with her all the time, God knows, but I can not allow myself, just because of my wanting and liking restrict her or make her under any pressure and stress! I will never do that! She may feel something that cause to leave there, or other problems, due to my feelings towards her and due to her behaviors towards me! Never can I accept that!
Next day, I went there, and surprisingly I saw Shadmanesh was there, too! He used to be working with me somehow in translating works, he has brought me some works to translate, but to be frank, I do not like him! And I do not have good feelings towards him; I think I can not trust in him! Maybe it is not true and just a feeling, but I feel so! Mokhtar nia, my previous student, got very happy when she saw me, and we talked for a very short time. She did not tell me that she is working for Shadmanesh! She said she has the institute herself, and manages it herself, but now I see she is just working there, she directs the girls department and Shadmanesh Boy`s one, but he gives nothing to her, not insurance, nor even a good salary! They are partners but every thing is under his control and all the contracts are under his signature!
She told me that she does not like him and trust him any more and she wants to separate from him that day! We could not speak more because he was sitting before us! Girls, girls how simple you are! He definitely exploiting her and her abilities, and she herself allowed that! I hate exploitation, especially exploiting girls and women! Just because they are women, they can not have any control on their own business!
I implied her to call me as soon as possible, I told her that I can not stand shadmanesh and work with him any more, if I decide to work, I will work with her and help her to stand on her own feet, not depending on others, just herself and herself! (I do not know if I again make mistake and repeat my previous experiences, to help a girl to get independence and self-esteem, because in the case of HER, I made a big mistake and SHE encroached upon my faithfulness and friendship! I do not want to repeat that! It depends on her deeds and actions and behavior that let me judge about her intentions to help her or not!
We spoke about learning English and she feels regretful now! When I was telling her “do continue your English, do not quit it, anyway try hard to manage to learn that” but she did not accept and quit it and now she needs it so much that no one can imagine! She spoke about Lisa that she has made the same mistake, quieted English already, I got regretful. She explained that all of these are just because Lisa feels responsible towards her family and all of her family expects her to do so, to help them, and at the same time she has to study for her university and for M.S, too. Further more, She teaches here and is very busy that she can not continue her English! Honestly, when I heard this news, her respect before me got 100 times more than before! I love her, definitely!
Sat 15 Dec 2007
To night I made my decision to stay here or to leave here and live in another city,
I chose to stay here just and just because of Lisa! Do not laugh at me! Why not? I love her and I want her! That is a fact! Why should not I listen to my heart who always says right? I stay here, in Zanjan, and continue my studies in linguistics, at the same time teaching English as before, but this time much more serious and strict than before!
Lisa is a family girl; I mean she loves her family so much that I do not think she can tolerate their distance, even if it will be as near as Tehran. And of course I do not have the right to keep her away of her family and friends and those she likes and loves; she has not told me any thing yet, but I can understand her and her conditions and there is no need she tells me any thing! I do whatever I can and is needed to please my love, to help her to get to her goals and ambitions, to support her to activate her potential forces and talents. May be she will not accept my love, but at least I am sure I am breathing in the air that she is breathing! I walk on the pavements and streets that she walks on!
Yesterday, a job agency in
This evening, I went to see Mr. Moghanlou and we spoke for a long time. I am his trustee and whenever he meets me, he opens his heart and talks to me for a long time. He always complains about the educational department’s acts and problems these people, rural, uncivilized, and uncultured people do and cause! Their last regulation is that “you must change your books! They are not Islamic! You must not speak about western culture, about Valentine, about their behaviors, about … every thing they have thought you can find there!
Really what can you tell to these un-understandable people? They always oppose me! Last year, they forced Mr. Moghanlou not to give me any classes, but he did, and because of that they canceled his institute’s license for boys! I saw this condition and myself said him that I would not come here, he got so sad but I insisted on my decision and left there. They just said “Mousavi is not 35 years old to teach here!” is it justice and even reasonable? Just because nothing except your age you do not have any right to work!
I remember one of their excuses to not to give us boys license, whoever listens does not know what reaction he or she would show! We said “ok, we do not have any mixed classes, boys are coming on even days and girls on odd days. What is wrong so?” Mousavi, the manager of the private institutes department in Zanjan, came and said “because girls are here on previous day, their odor remains in the air and on the chairs and boys next day will feel and touch it!” when we heard these words of a manager, we shocked and could not say any thing! Believe me nothing!
By the way, Mr. Moghanlou suggested me to accept his institutes management from this term, because of his second branch and because he is to get boys institute’s license, too for Jadeh Shahrak and he needs help. I like him so much, he used to be my teacher, he used to be my colleague and now he is one of my dearest friends, I like to work with him, too. But I was doubtful to make my mind, to leave here and go
Fri 14 Dec 2007
My uncle`s wife died of cancer within 25 days 3 years ago in her thirties. We all got so depressed and sad that even now when we remind her we get so regretful, but it was nature`s rule beyond of our control and it was God`s wanting. She had 4 children, 3 sons and a daughter. My cousins were younger than me, and Fariba, was 19 years old and Hojat was 21. By the way, their mommy passed a way and made all of us in a great sorrow. My uncle was alone and you know it was too difficult for him to bear the lose of her wife and at the same time did not show any emotions just because of his children! Since then he has got some illnesses that rooted in his psychological conditions. He did not feel well, could not speak to any body and he had no one to just listen to him and understand! He got old and old, we could see the effect, he is younger than my daddy, but if you see him now, you say he is more than 50! Because of these conditions, they tried to find him a suitable spouse, but his children, especially Hojat, who I, myself, never accept his ideas nor can I agree with him any more, and Fariba disagreed and insisted that their father has no right after the death of their mother to marry again, they have not done any thing especial. It dates to almost a year ago, after 2 years passed of his wife`s death. But finally they can find a good women for him to release him from suffering and pain and loneliness, without his children’s` awareness they got married 2 weeks ago.
Now Fariba and Hojat do not accept her as their step mother and bother her by ignoring her, or by not answering her , …! Really why? Do we have any right that interfere in our parents affairs? I always ask “what are your roles in your father`s life? To determine what he must to do or must not to do? Does not your father have this right that makes decisions to his own life? Your mother passed away, yes we can understand you, but she died and finished! It is your father that remained! You want to respect a dead person but not an alive one? How cruel you are! If such a thing happened to me, I, myself, would definitely find my father or even my mother another suitable spouse, even if it would be so unbearable and difficult for me! I know myself, I would do that, you can be sure! It is a childish idea that if a mother or a father dies, the other spouse has no right to get married again! What do you think? Tell me your ideas, please.
MY E-MAIL: yaser.saba@gmail.com
MY YAHOO ID: yaserymc@yahoo.com
Fri 14 Dec 2007
God ordered Jonah to go
This legend is the symbol of isolation and prison that because of the lack of love and the feeling of responsibility, he had got there. God saved him and Jonah went
Jonah got very angry and depressed because he wanted “justice” not forgiveness! Finally, he went to relax under the shadow of a tree that God grew it just for protecting him from the sun. Since God withered the tree, Jonah got depressed and complained angrily. God replied” you feel regretful for the tree that you did not suffer for its growing any pain, and it was withered during a night, so shouldn’t I forgive Nineveh, that big city with 60000 people, who can not distinguish their right hand from left one, and also all that chattels, too?”
God wants to teach Jonah that the nature of LOVE is in pain and suffering for something, and is in growing and cultivating of it. On the other hand, LOVE and bearing of pain and suffering are inseparable. One loves something that suffers for that and suffers for something that loves it.
This tale expresses that LOVE can not be separated of responsibility, Jonah felt no responsibility before his brothers` lives. He could ask like Cain “am I the nurse of my brothers?” responsibility is not a duty that is imposed from outside, otherwise, it is a reply to a wanting that one likes it. Both words “response” and “responsibility” have the same root in English, so responsibility means to be ready for responding.
The belief is that falling in love is the milestone of LOVE and loving; while this is the beginning of the way and it is just an opportunity for reaching to LOVE.
(my idea: I always say “falling in love with somebody is very easy but continuing loving her or him is the most difficult task one can undertake. Dr. Jamshi Off: “love is a temporary phenomenon; one should not raise his or her expectations towards it.”)
It is said that love is the result of a mysterious quality that through it two people get attracted by each other; it is a happening that occurs without any attempt. In fact human’s loneliness and his sexual desires to intercourse cause him to love somebody, and there is not any mysterious quality there, this is a victory that is gotten so easily and is lost so easily, too. One is not loved by somebody else accidentally; otherwise, it is his force of LOVE that generates loving; exactly as liking that causes one to be liked.
Generative loving requires continuous suffering and feeling of concern and responsibility towards growing and perfect ness of the beloved one
Concern and responsibility are the factors consisting LOVE but without considering beloved one’s respect and her understanding, they turn to be ownership and domination.
Respect is not fear and threatening. The root of word “respect” comes from “respicrere” meaning “to watch” and “to look at”. So respecting means to see the beloved one as she is being, and to be aware of her individuality and her especial features.
Respecting of the person without understanding and knowing her is impossible ; if this knowledge does not occur, concern and responsibility get blind.
(my idea: the true love and the true lover is who that gets happy by beloved one’s happiness and pleasure, and gets suffered by her sufferings and pains; you who love her, even sticking of a thorn into her thumb makes you worried and anxious, so you never want to make her restricted or worried just because of your wanting and interests. You must respect her individuality and her interests even if they are against your wanting; you do not have the right to limit her for any reason and excuse, even for her own affections, likings or even for her victories!)
Bulzak gives an interesting sample of benevoiant sadism in his book, “lost illusions”: he describes the relation between Lucien and his prisoner, Bagno, who was a monk.
The monk got familiar with the young man after he had an unsuccessful suicide told him “ I saved you from the death, I granted you the life, so you belong to me like the creature belongs to his creator, like what is told in fairy tales of Oriental, and like the body that belongs to the soul. I hold you on the road by my strong hands; I am promising you a happy life, honor and continuous pleasure. Never does your pocket get empty of money; you will shine, while I am providing your victory. I will always enjoy your happiness and pleasure, although I will give them up myself. I will unite with you to be one, and I will love my creature so passionately, I will melt him and put him into my desired frame, so that I can love him like a father loves his son! I will sit beside you in a coach, my dear son, and I will enjoy your victories over women and I will say “I am this handsome young man!”
LOVE is the generative form of relation with others and with one, himself, too. LOVE requires respect, concern, responsibility and understanding. LOVE desires growth and completion for others. LOVE expresses familiarity between two people with preserving the individual security at the same time.
(my idea: human sometimes needs to be alone, to retire with himself and to separate from everything around him; sometimes it is good for him to be lazy!)
Activity, generative love and generative thought are possible only when human retires with himself, whenever is required.
The ability of listening to himself is a precondition for the ability of listening to others; to be confident with himself is the necessary condition for establishing of relationships with others.
“I”, itself, must be the subject and target of my love, too. Confirmation and prove of life, happiness, growth, and individual freedom result from his ability in loving others. On the others hand, they are rooted in concern, respect, responsibility and understanding. If some body is able to love generatively, he can love himself, too. If he cant love others, he will not love himself at all. Selfishness and love of himself are not in the same concept and meaning at all, but even they are contrary.
(my idea: I have concluded that not only self praise ness, (not selfishness) and proud and love of yourself are not sin, unlike what we are cultivated and edducated for, but they are the tools for progressing, success and increasing achievment. One who does not love himself, is not self praised, can not love others and express his love towards them, too.
“not be selfish” is the sentence that milions of children for generations have been mentioned, but it has along with its surface meaning, has these deep meanings, too: “do not love yourself, not be yourself, surrened yourself to what is more important than you, to an outside force or a force considered as inner one, duty.”
The sentence “not be selfish” is one of the strongest idealogical tools for preventig from completion of personality and arbitrary and desired acts. With this meteor, it is asked of people that undertake to any kind of complete give-up: just those deeds are not selfish that do not serve man, himself, otherwise, they are the interests pf an outside person or thing.
(my idea: already I thought that love is just and just for one, and must be exoressed just for one; you must love just and just a beloved one, but after Zeinab, I have known that my opinion was wrong, or at least LOVE does not mean what I have already had in my mind and known it.)
Thu 13 Dec 2007
After a few months, to be in your home town is pleasing! The weather is great! I love this weather, cold one, and I feel comfort. But again here, my family, especially my daddy began to blame me and asks a lot of relevant and irrelevant questions, those make me annoyed and nothing I can do! I want to be independent and I want to make decisions about my own affairs and life myself, they do not want to accept me as a man, a full grown man. I insist on my independence and get it. He blames me that why did you go South? Why did you go Zabol and why did you go
By the way, mommy missed me so much, I missed her, too. She wants to know more about Lisa, she likes to hear more about her, she asks me to introduce them together, and she says” I am depressed of God! Why did He allow you, my dear son, to suffer and pain? Why has not He listened to my prayers? But now you made me happy and I think He accepts my prayers, you deserve a very treat wife, and I feel from bottom of my heart that Lisa as you speak about her, and t her, is suitable for you!”. She was so happy that I said “come on mommy, she may not love me, or accept my love, or…”. She got unhappy and told seriously “do not speak in that way! Every thing God wants that will happen! God willing she will accept, do not worry!” I smiled and said “I hope so!”. (in my mind I said “how simple woman you are, how kind hearted and how sweet soul, I love you mommy, I love you so much!) She got happy and laughed, very cheerful that I always love to watch!
“what? Daddy had an accident?” it was my uncle called me an hour and a half ago. I got too worried and annoyed; I went immediately to
Human perceives universe and this emotional and mental understanding is by love and wisdom. The wisdom force enables person to penetrate from outside into inside, and with establishing of active relations gasp the nature of his goal. The love force enables him to remove walls and obstacle between himself and others and understands them. Although love and wisdom are two different form of perceiving the world, and although one without the other is not possible, each expresses different forces, emotions and thoughts.
The concept of generative love differs so much from what is called love. “LOVE” is used almost for expressing of every feeling that lacks hate and disgust. The term of love consists every thing from love of ice cream, love of symphony, love of intercourse. When people like somebody they feel they fall in love with her. They call “love” their dependence on others and ownership of others, and in fact they believe that nothing is easier than expressing love and loving others; the problem is just finding desired lover and failure in achieving to happiness of love is because of their bad fortune in not finding the suitable one.
But unlike this idea, “LOVE” is a very especial feeling and although every one has the capacity of loving others, but achieving it is one of the most difficult tasks. The root of original LOVE is in generation, so we can call it generative LOVE. The nature of its different kinds is the same; whether a mother’s love towards her child, or our love towards another human, or love between a couple; love of others and love f own “self” is this kind, too. Several fundamental factors in all forms of generative love are the same; they are: concern, responsibility, respect and understanding. Concern and responsibility mean that love is an activity not a jumpy passion that conquers the person, not even a feeling of excitement that person suffers from.
Thu 13 Dec 2007
After a few months, to be in your home town is pleasing! The weather is great! I love this weather, cold one, and I feel comfort. But again here, my family, especially my daddy began to blame me and asks a lot of relevant and irrelevant questions, those make me annoyed and nothing I can do! I want to be independent and I want to make decisions about my own affairs and life myself, they do not want to accept me as a man, a full grown man. I insist on my independence and get it. He blames me that why did you go South? Why did you go Zabol and why did you go
By the way, mommy missed me so much, I missed her, too. She wants to know more about Lisa, she likes to hear more about her, she asks me to introduce them together, and she says” I am depressed of God! Why did He allow you, my dear son, to suffer and pain? Why has not He listened to my prayers? But now you made me happy and I think He accepts my prayers, you deserve a very treat wife, and I feel from bottom of my heart that Lisa as you speak about her, and t her, is suitable for you!”. She was so happy that I said “come on mommy, she may not love me, or accept my love, or…”. She got unhappy and told seriously “do not speak in that way! Every thing God wants that will happen! God willing she will accept, do not worry!” I smiled and said “I hope so!”. (in my mind I said “how simple woman you are, how kind hearted and how sweet soul, I love you mommy, I love you so much!) She got happy and laughed, very cheerful that I always love to watch!
“what? Daddy had an accident?” it was my uncle called me an hour and a half ago. I got too worried and annoyed; I went immediately to
Human perceives universe and this emotional and mental understanding is by love and wisdom. The wisdom force enables person to penetrate from outside into inside, and with establishing of active relations gasp the nature of his goal. The love force enables him to remove walls and obstacle between himself and others and understands them. Although love and wisdom are two different form of perceiving the world, and although one without the other is not possible, each expresses different forces, emotions and thoughts.
The concept of generative love differs so much from what is called love. “LOVE” is used almost for expressing of every feeling that lacks hate and disgust. The term of love consists every thing from love of ice cream, love of symphony, love of intercourse. When people like somebody they feel they fall in love with her. They call “love” their dependence on others and ownership of others, and in fact they believe that nothing is easier than expressing love and loving others; the problem is just finding desired lover and failure in achieving to happiness of love is because of their bad fortune in not finding the suitable one.
But unlike this idea, “LOVE” is a very especial feeling and although every one has the capacity of loving others, but achieving it is one of the most difficult tasks. The root of original LOVE is in generation, so we can call it generative LOVE. The nature of its different kinds is the same; whether a mother’s love towards her child, or our love towards another human, or love between a couple; love of others and love f own “self” is this kind, too. Several fundamental factors in all forms of generative love are the same; they are: concern, responsibility, respect and understanding. Concern and responsibility mean that love is an activity not a jumpy passion that conquers the person, not even a feeling of excitement that person suffers from.
