Fri 1 Feb 2008
It was finished, the Ash festival of Apadana finished, with good memories, a little tiresome and little bit depressing heart and feelings! Not as many as half of our expected guests came, none of my friends came, just Saljughi and Narcissi that were invited by both of us, me and Mr. Moghanlou. I do not why, but Lisa sent a sms to apologize not coming just 30 minutes before the party began! I am sure some thing happened, some thing that made her to change her mind at the last point! I asked why?! But she did not answer, then an UNKNOWN call ringed my phone, I was too busy and involved in making Ash, I could answer very hard, but a man, an angry man, crying, full of vicious feelings and impolitely, asked “who are you?!!!” I answered politely “ I am Mousavi, do you have any words for me?” he hesitated and said “ok! Did have any words for me that sent me sms last night and now? It was in English!” I could not answer him because I was too busy, I said “I will call you, or call me then, I will speak with you!” this happening caused me worried about Lisa! Was it possible that maybe her family or father might have had her phone and seen my smses? Or did they make some problem for her?!!!” I can not expect or imagine that her family or father can do so! Especially in that impolite and rude way!, I can not believe it! I must ask her to be sure, but even she has not answered my last sms, which I wrote “why did n`t you come to the party? We expected you so much, Mr. Moghanlou asked for you, and I did not feel well because all the time I was thinking of you!” I do not know! My God help! I miss her so much that I can not bear not seeing her any more! Oh, my God! Why should I bear these worrying and … feelings! Why can`t I see her, or talk to her!? I think I have fallen in love with her so strong that I can not believe or even describe! To day… today… there… I wished she would be beside me! There among all of those friends, and people, I felt lonely! I felt needing her to be with me! My hear… I guess gradually and gradually I am losing my patience and my feelings begin influencing me! No! no! no! the same story must not be repeating again! I do not allow!
We served the Ash, and Narcissi and Celine made a lot of noise, a lot of fun and made us all happy and laugh! She is very friendly and very funny girl, who I think every body loves her! Me, Mr. Moghanlou, other students and friends! Thank you Narcissi, if you were not there, I would die! Just you gave me confidence and made me feel that still I have me friend beside myself, yet! Lisa was not coming, it made me depressed! I do not know why?!!!
After the party when every body left and just we, me and Mr. Moghanlo remained, we did the dishes, and talked for 2 hours, about every thing, and finally I got home, at 8:30, exhausted! I am not feeling well, I must sleep, whenever I am depressed I need to be alone and sleeping is the most comfortable way of getting rid of others! Bye my friends, hope nice night for you all…
Thu 31 Jan 2008
Tomorrow we have a party; I am supposed to cook Ash, some kind of soup. Many people, students of Mr. Moghanlou, my ex-students and nowadays friends, especially Lisa, Mrs. Sarshar, Sahar, Saljughi, Yeganeh, Narcissi, Mostafavi, and even Mina have been invited to participate and make us happy. I geuss it would be a memorable time for all of us, and I hope all of them come, especially Lisa and Mrs. Sarshar, I really miss them!
Sahar scared of being independent and challenging to stand on her own feet! Finally she could pursue Sahdmanesh to sign the contract, which she asked me to prepare and I handled it, but she consulted with her mother and she suggested to work for Shadmanesh not to sign a contract with him and be his partner! She was so worried and could not make her mind, called me to ask my idea, she told “wasn`t it better to me to speak with my daddy about it, at last, he may hit me, but I wanna talk to him. I said “ok, it is really good idea, and I do not think he does something strange towards you, speak with him and if he supports you, no one, then, can oppose you!” she did it, then called me that he suggested the same! And I wanna do what he recommended! But he has not known any thing about Shadmanesh`s feelings towards me, if he knew it, he would kill me! I said “ok, do not worry and do whatever you like and feel satisfied!” she told “thank you so much for your all kindness, “ I said “it is ok! Take it easy, and some time live just for yourself!” she is too young and she is still with not enough experience! Her father s right, and its better for her to work hourly for other institutes to get skills and get older enough to be independent. Of course, in her nowadays conditions, this is the best! She has injured of a broken heart and LOVE, and now she needs time to recover and concentrate. I did not tell any thing but from my bottom of my heart, I got sad and regretful, but what can I do? it may be better, every thing God wants, that will happen, she may get a lot of experiences of LIVING in reality if she is smart. I then, gave her an official contract of working for institutes under the issues of Working and Social affairs ministry of Iran and suggested that work for more than that he has given them, both for herself and for Lisa. I do not like and do never allow others to exploit girls, especially my Lisa and other nice friends!
