What should the relations between a husband and a wife be in their mutual life? Let`s narrowing the concept: what kind of relationship the couple should have with each other that makes both of them consent and happy, non suffer form the other`s behaviors? Should it be a friendship or should it be a business-like one? Should it be the relation between the supreme and the follower? Or should it be the relation of possession and property? It has occupied my mind for a long time. I have been thought about the issue for many times; yet no clear answer could I find out! I have always believed that the friendship between the couple is the most important and effective factor among the others that affects their other relationships as being husband and wife, or sexual relations… but after my defeated experience of short mutual life, I have understood that still there is some thing else that I could not establish it between myself and HER, or maybe just simply because SHE did not love me, we failed to reach that point of mutually understanding s and common points in our short mutual life, but long friendship… (We had been friends of each other for more than 5 years, and even now, after the break up, we are still friends of each other, two friends that could not get along with each other under a mutual condition and relations…) so I did perceive that FREINDSHIP is some thing completely different form MATREMONIAL relations… but how and what is that especial thing that I could not establish between us and finally we broke up?!! Tell me my friends…  

It has been occupied my mind for a long time… the question is “what are a good teacher`s characteristics?” Or another way I should inquire “ why do some teachers remain in our memories for ever and why others not?” I mean “what is that we love some teachers?” do you know why I asked this question? Because I am a teacher, myself, and in my own idea… I am an ordinary, maybe sub ordinary  teacher, even, I teach whatever I have learned before and whatever knowledge I have in my mind, using ordinary classes and ordinary books, materials and there is not much difference to whom I am teaching… (of course there are always some classes and some students that I love them and my teaching and their learning grows to higher levels of ethical and morality and friendship at the end…). You know… to be frank… almost all my students liked me so much… I mean there has no one that claims he or she was not consent in my classes and has not learned any thing… but almost all of them have continued their relations with me… I mean a friendship after even one term of my teaching! It is of course wonderful and great… but I do not know and perceive why? What I have that others don`t? most of students when I was their teacher were learning too fast, highly knowledgeable and greatly motivated… but just after changing their teacher, even for preceding term, they lost their motivations and do not continue their English, after at last 2 or 3 terms abandoned it! There has been so many classes that after finishing the term with me with the changing of the teacher they completely ignored learning English… But why? They always ask and wish me to be their teacher to allow them to continue their English… but why? Some of my nice friends now have already abandoned the English just after my leaving their classes… samples are my Lisa, Sabrina, Farzad, Sahar, Sam, Tom, and others that now I can not recall their names… Some of my students, previous students and now my good friends are visiting here… I am asking them the question…why? Frankly reply in possible…

Yesterday that I went to Rayane to hold the class of Sahar and her students, after the class, Sahar began to speak about the ways of proposing especially the differences that there are between boys and girls without almost any record and any background. She said “making proposing for boys is much easier than for girls… I mean boys are much free in these kinds of affairs whereas girls are so restricted and when they fall in love with boys, they can not express it and they may die! As what happened in Shahriar story that Laleh had fallen in love with him, and she could not tell any thing until she died, while he did not know any thing…” Shadmanesh was with us, too, I said “you know… the love must be mutual… none of the parties has no right to impose himself or herself to the other… but why not? Why can`t girls propose marriage to the boys they have fallen in love with them? These days some times it happens… you know finding a good boy… I mean sound, kind, and morally correct is so much difficult, you can see almost 90 percentage of boys are unfortunately addictive and some are used to smoke, alcohol, having girlfriends, playing with girls etc, but when a sound boy there is, and the girl and her family sees that, this is the girl and her family that go ahead and propose him to marry… why not? It is possible…” she said “ I know… finding of sound and good girls are also important and rare these days… but you should accept that it is so difficult to a girl to show her feelings towards a boy, especially when he is totally unfamiliar with her… “ I said “of course in our culture it is not so easy, but it is not rare too, in Islam there is no rule or regulation that restricts the girls proposing to boys, Motahari says “ the only reason that since the ancient times, this is the men have gone to propose women is just the retaining of the respect for women and their rank in the society. The nature created men the embodiment of REQUESTING, DEMANDING and LOVE and the woman is the manifestation of BEING DESIRED, BEING BELOVED. The nature put the woman the ROSE and put the man the NIGHTINGALE, woman is the CANDLE and the man is the BUTTERFLY. This is one of the masterpieces of the nature and the God`s creation that the NEED and DEMAND is included in man`s instinct and in woman`s instinct is MINCCING, COYNESS and MANIFESTATION. It is against the prestige and respect of a woman that goes after a man. It is bearable for a man that a woman rejects his proposal, and then goes after for another woman, and again she says him NO, until a woman accepts his proposal. But it is not according to the instinct of a woman and of course it is not bearable for her to invite a man for being her husband and he replies NO and then she goes after another man! Because she wants and likes to be the man`s beloved, to be his only center of attention and concern and she wants to govern over all her man`s existence and understands his heart even the deepest corners.

Imam Bagher (peace been upon him and his destiny) quotes that a woman came to our Holy Prophet (peace been upon him) and asked him “make me under a man`s marital contract.” He asked his followers : “is there anyone to marry with her?” a man stood up and said yes. The Holy Prophet (peace been upon him) asked “what do you have to give her?” he replied “nothing”. The Holy Prophet said “No, the marriage is impossible”, then He asked again, no body accepted just the previous man, finally He asked “do you any thing of Quran?” he said “yes, “, then the Holy Prophet (peace been upon him) told “ok, I will get you two married but you must teach her Quran. This will be her dowry.”” Form this tale we induce that it is not odd and unusual for a girl to propose a boy and ask him to marry with her, and it is not forbidden form the view point of Islam, but it is against the custom and traditions and against the laws of nature and creation.”

But when I think about Sahar`s words… I accept the discrimination between boys and girls…and I see she says “in any condition it is really unfair that a girl who falls in love with a boy can not say that…” but really why? In my case, if a thing like that happens to me… I mean a girl comes to me and says that she loves me… why must not I respect her feelings and think about it? Even more likely I will accept her love, too! Why not?!!! What`s your ideas?  

But still I do not know why Sahar said that and why even did she begin such a dispute?