Sun 16 Mar 2008
A MEMORABLE OCCASION AFTER A LONG TIME
Yesterday was so busy and so funny day that has been one of my memorable days in my life. In the morning, I went Mahdis to buy some books for my friends as NEW YEAR GIFT. I bought 10 books (I finished all his books of Khayam poems and Babataher`s) then I wrapped them all and went Apadana. Mr. Moghanlou invited all the teachers to be there to thank us and to give us our presents. He spoke for a while, then after having sweets and tea, he let us chose one, and because I gave him a gift, he recommended me to chose another one! Full of happiness and joy, then because I had to be in my class in Rayane Daneshgah, I left them early and came there, unfortunately, once more, Sahar broke her promise and word and cancelled my class! I got angry, but she was not there! So, I gave Shadmanesh`s gift, but hers and Lisa`s remained! For Lisa, too, I bought a book (a gift that I always give her! What can I do so? I have not known her taste yet, and of course I feel ashamed to give her some thing else that I really love to!). I had to see one of them, mostly of course my Lisa, (a little I missed her!!!), I had guessed that she would have a class in the afternoon, and due that time, I wanted to see her and Sahar, and give their gifts, but you know, in our country, a week before new years every thing gets off… her students had cancelled their classes, too! This meant that I could not see her, but how could I bear that not seeing her? So I decided to see her, herself, instead of Sahar! I smsed her, and asked her politely, if possible I need to see you… she said “no matter, I am in Iran Zamin Passage to see you!) it was raining, I had just arrived home, but no matter, I got dressed, and under the rain, hurried there… on my way, I bought a branch of RED CHERRY ROSE (as the color of her lips!) as a sign of my LOVE, (that must be different from Sahar`s and other`s gifts, mustn’t it?) and run there, when I reached there, she and her friend, I think, was looking at the windows of a shop in front of the stairs… they could not see me… I went closer and said hello… she got surprised and shocked… I do not know why… but I should confess I got so excited when I saw her… my heart began to beat fast and fast (really why? Why such a condition happens to me when I see her? It is not my first time to see her… she used to be my student for more than a year and a half… but I had not such a feeling when I saw her in the class, nor in the institute, not even in my office… but now… have I really fallen in love with her so deeply? I can not believe that after those terrible experiences once more I feel such a great feeling when I meet her…!!!!). She introduced me and her friend… but she did not call me as her teacher!!! (That is great, isn`t it?) After greeting, and a little backbiting behind Sahar, I gave two packets containing her gift with the ROSE and Sahar`s book… she was very cheerful… she was wearing a sweater in pink and cream that suited her skin… her red lips and a little blushed cheeks (maybe because of cool weather, maybe because of my presence…!) made her much more attractive and much prettier than usual, especially her elegant sweet smile, big black eyes and blushed cheeks… I love her smiling! Thank you God, thank you for this wonderful, amazing, fascinating creature of yours, you are such a powerful and expert artist and sculpture that could create such a pretty girl in every aspect, physically, mentally, morally and even… thank you! I wish I could have some photos of her (that I really love to have) to put them here so that you can see I am not exaggerating, and I am trying just to describe her as in reality exists…! I could not tell any thing in front of her friend, so I said good bye and left them so soon that never did I like that! But what could I do?!!!
At home, she smsed me and thanked me said “you shouldn`t have done that… you always are so kind towards me and really make me embarrassed… thank you and have a great time and funny year.” I replied and apologized that always I have bought her just books and books and books… but if God willing, in very near future, I will compensate that… she is so valuable and worthy for me that I can not describe…!
Ok, the romantic part finished! In the afternoon, Mr. Khani invited us, all his teachers, colleagues in Zabansara, more than 120 people, to go there to get their gifts (a usual occasion in every year we have that our professors thank us for our jobs and hope a good time for our new year, with some gifts…) I thanked him, too, by giving him the gift… he got so happy! After that, they all gathered and too photos… 3 or 4 of the girls have got engaged… mostly because of them Mrs. Khani fired some candles and created a romantic situation… then we asked Mr. Khani to give us dinner… Mrs. Khani said “come on… be fair… he must pay his 6 month salary for your one night dinner… I suggested we will pay our dongs ourselves… she got happy and all accepted my idea… and then we went Sun Burger to have dinner… almost 12-15 high model cars in high speed (110-150 kilometers per hour!!!!!) all in a column after Mr. Khani drove in the streets… honing, lighting… there full of joy happened… Ali AAshouri (God kills him) and Pourya Ebrahimi made a lot of fun and noise… we just laughed and laughed… bye the way… after finishing it we asked Mr. Khani to give us ICECREAM (in that cold weather!!!!) he said no matter… but one bet… just drive after me… and do not say we are coming from Zabansara!” in the street again, at 11 p.m., 15 cars in high speed… we went the Grant Hotel, there in the restaurant, we gathered and had coffee, tea, Nescafe, Yaser Mousavi had just read Hafez poems for Mr. Khani and others… and in the other corner, we, Farzad Jafarian, Ali AAshouri, Pourya Ebrahimi, Jamal Bayat, Hesam Yousefian, … made a lot of noise, laughter, happiness, joy, so that all of the gusts and clerks of the hotel got surprised and maybe angry! By the way, it was finished until 12:30, and we got home…
You know I say some times it is necessary to break the rules and routines and have fun… but past years… I had not joined them in these kinds of occasions because they were not inviting my WIFE and I never do any thing without HER! I do not know why… but I say in mutual life it is not fair that you have fun with your friends alone, and at the same time your wife remains home alone… I do like that both she and me have fun together… have sorrow together…every thing together… there is no I or she…just WE! But SHE was not in the same manner… I did not go any where without HER, I did not accept the invitations that they did not make for HER, too… but SHE always went every where alone… with HER friends… even I drove HER once to the ambassador of Krovasia there, there was a meeting of good bye for the Representative, even SHE did not offer me to go with HER, which there was no restrictions for my presence as HER husband and I waited for HER coming in the car for 8 hours! SHE was really unfriendly and unfair…! But I had not accept even Zabansara`s party just because of HER! By the way… take it easy… this time SHE was not with me and I was alone… so why not I shouldn`t have accepted the invitation to make fun as a variety?!!! I did it, and made a lot of fun and another memorable time!
Fri 14 Mar 2008
SEX IN MUTUAL LIFE
Sexual relations are almost the most important and the most influential aspect of a mutual life. It plays a crucial role in satisfaction of both parties, the man and the woman, in the mutual life. This factor is so important that almost 90 percent of dissatisfactions and discomforts reported by the couple that seem having some other different originations, in fact have originated of the failure in this aspect and then embodies in other forms as “lack of mutual understandings”, “lack of responsibility” or “nag of one of the parties or two on very simple issues of mutual life”. Researchers have told that sexual satisfaction of both parties cause affiliation and familiarity between both and makes their lives so happier and so great that both show great responsibilities for continuing that.
Unfortunately due to the lack of education in our traditional society that believes even speaking about these kinds of issues is completely impoliteness and forbidden subsequently, the greatest solutions for the simplest issues that may cause so big problems that makes the continuation of mutual life impossible, can be available just simply by education and discussion before marriage and having sexual relations and after marriage and with you spouse frankly and friendly. For this reason, I have put here a weblog (http://www. Female-love.blogfa.com) by a doctor who discusses these kinds of issues and you can ask him any question and he will reply you, and of course, I am giving you the Persian version of this article in the following link: (http://www.4shared.com/file/40491092/c44111e8/_2__sex_and_money_in_marraige.html)
to help my friends always be happy and satisfied in their lives or future mutual lives, which is my greatest ambition.
If you are thinking of having a long term relation with your spouse i.e. marriage, avoid the sexual relation before marriage and postpone it after marriage, for the following reasons:
1. People have different views about sex and sexual relations: for them, the sexual relations may mean responsibility, entertainment, bare joy, familiarity and friendship or nothing. It would better not sex with your spouse until you find out sufficient understanding of his or her view towards sex, because for example, if you view sex as getting intimate, familiarity and taking responsibility with the hope that with sexing with your beloved one, you will not lose her or him, adversely, from the view point of your beloved one, she or he looks at sex just as a joy and enjoyment, therefore, a great sorrow and gloomy fate you put for yourself.
2. Despite of how you think, the sex and sexual relation has fantastic and wonderful affects and consequences on the mutual life and both parties. It may make you both happy or dissatisfied. It may give you energy and power, encourage you to continue the life and bear its problems, to have a child and grow her within your friendly relations and family… or make you to be depressed, to lose your energy and power and all your motivations… all of these are possible via a good sexual relation or bad one!
3. The sexual relations affects your feelings , makes them intense, unrestrained or diverted. The human brain develops in its revolutionary phase when it encounters with the situations that the possibility of having a sexual relation is likely occurring, like threatening conditions, releases some especial chemicals that obstacle the trend of thinking and rationalization. In fact, they guid you to have a sexual relation unconsciously so that you can survive and continue your species. Does this situation is where you want to be with a person who you do not have much understandings and knowledge about him or her? So in his case, in the stage of reorganization of the suitable person for living with him or her for every minute of your life, for ever, you can not have the appropriate wisdom and conscience to make your mind by rational decisions.
4. Having sexual relations release joining and attaching chemicals (http://www.4shared.com/file/37401024/ca438f0/how_to_fall_in_love.html) in both genders, both girl and boy, that they feel dependent on each other. Would you like to allow that chemicals in your brain make decisions for you that to whom you must be dependent and who you must LOVE? With this, you will make yourselves in great trouble and depression when you must leave your spouse but because of having sexual relation, you have depended on him or her.
5. Having sexual relations will limit your range of your options and selections. The sexual relation will necessitate you to make your mind so harshly, and the worst scenario is when you get pregnant, this situation will tighten your decision making choices. When you have not sexed with your spouse, you can withdraw yourself form an unsafe relation much easier.
6. The waiting and expectation is stressful, but sweet and exciting. Do not deprive each other from that! it is in human`s instinct that when gets something with more energy, more endowment and with more expectations, likes it so much more than when get it so easily. The early sex, omits the stage of imaginations and fantasies we make in our minds about our spouse and fades the LOVE passion and excitement and makes the sex so monotonous.
7. Having sex early, moreover not controlling your passions and lasses, it means disrespect towards your spouse, too. When your spouse do forces you to sex before having enough knowledge and understandings based on rational thinking about each other, and your complete satisfaction and desire for having sex, or looks at you just as a sexual tool, in fact he or she has no respect for you any more.
Now let speak about the first night of marriage, which speaking about it is completely forbidden for us because of traditions we have in our society. But finally every one will face it when she or he gats married and enjoys its joy and passions. So instead of forbidding it, lets discuss about it and with some solutions and suggestions make it multiple!
Like other brides and bridegrooms you may think of how approaching to your first night of mutual life. In this case. A lot of questions come to your mind: do all couples have sexual relation at the first night of marriage? Those who are experiencing this event for the first time, how can they face the excitement and control it correctly? And thousand other questions. May be some people think that the sex must happen at the first night… so what will they do with the shame feeling of after that?
This depends on how you and your fiancée deal with the first night of marriage bases on whether you were active before marriage (previous marriages). By the way, due to the stresses and tiresome of the marriage, both the girl and the boy may not be in his or her best physical condition, and they can not experience their best sexual relation. When you schedule for your marriage night, you should consider this issue.
If you do not have any previous sex before marriage, both or one is virgin, you may feel stressed, tension or fear. Of course all of these feelings are understandable, but there is no reason for feeling such emotions. Follow the points in this article and be sure with a little mutual understanding, you will have an unforgettable first night of marriage, even if it does not result in sex!
DO NOT HAVE UNREAL EXPECTATIONS
When you begin your mutual life remember that your first night of marriage can not be the most romantic moment that you have experienced in your life. In fact, the romantic first nights belong to cinema screen. Bride and bridegroom are more tired than previous nights because of stresses and hard working, and this does not put them in the best condition of romance. Just try to be calm and speak with together and lower your expectations. If you succeed to calm each other and get friendly and familiar with each other, definitely you will experience a great sex that night or the night after. Even when you have sex at the first night, but you do not experience so great and do not be satisfied with that as you have expected, you have the rest of your life to apply techniques and change them to have the greatest satisfaction… now just concentrate on enjoy by being with each other.
PROGRAMME AND GET READY
Most couples are setting by each other and speak about different detail things of marriage for hours and hours and programmed for every thing, but they do not talk about the first night of marriage any more, you must pay some of your attention that pay for those things scrupulously, for getting ready for the night. The more you have time, the better you do inexpertly and the more you enjoy! The best thing is that take some time to talk about this matter and put together your thoughts and tell each other what you like and what you enjoy more. Try to know each other much more and respect to each others likes and consider each other`s limitations and respect the boarders and restraints. Even you can invite your spouse to read an article so that you can find some keys to talk about these kinds of issues. If you talk before sex, during it, you both will have better feelings and feel much calmer. Try to take part in gym before marriage and keep fit your shape will be in a good condition. If you look beautiful, not only your spouse response you properly but also you will have better feelings, too. Also, remember that do not go to bed in the same cloths that other nights you have gone to bed, not in jeans nor in pajamas. Have a set of suitable night cloths for the night as it suits you and makes your face more beautiful than ever. Pot on a cloth that suits you and you feel comfortable in it and makes you attractive at the same time. Before the expenses of marriage goes up to the heaven, sit beside each other and put this in your marriage purchases. Some things include in your case should be:
1- beautiful and attractive underwear,
2- lovely music that keep you calm and relaxed
3- having tasty candies and good smelled candles to make the space
4- the warm bathtub
5- sweet smelling perfumes and massage creams
6- Pills for controlling pregnant (unless you want to extend your family even from the first night!)
BE CALM AND RELAXED AND PREVENT TENSSION AND STRESS
First of all, prevent the tension and stress, you have had a busy and hard day, and you must get used to sleep by each other every night also, and you both want to live together.
Take off marriage clothes and put the cloths that feel comfortable. You can attach the sigh of “DON’T INTERUPT” on the door. Luck the door and then sit beside each other and talk about the day passed. Tell each other interesting points that happened and say what will last in your memories for much longer time. Also, you can give each other a small present of marriage. And if it is to catch a plane next morning, tell one of the relatives to wake up you in the morning.
When the tension and stress gone away of you, you can make the scene much familiar and much friendlier and closer. You can use the bath tub. This makes you feel much more relaxed, then massage each other so that you feel better and relaxed and have a better relations and also evoke each other!
TALK, TALK AND TALK
Talk together. Music, night cloths and candles will help but not as much as talking. Talking gets you both to evoke. Even kissing will happen after talking. Those who go to bed immediately, they get less familiar with each other that would happen after talking and aware each other of their likes and wanting. If you two have not yet talked about this issue, now it is the best time. No one can teach you how you must and should sex with each other, or how you can get much more familiar and friendly because this is like finger prints is unique for every one. So a short conversation will solve a lot of problems.
Most of husbands who have more experience than their wives complain that their wives spoil the night just because they feel too ashamed and shy. Since you are her husband, this is your responsibility to understand her and treat considering her conditions. Look this way: it is not the easiest work that take off all of your clothes and have a great sex with the man who is a little stranger! She just tries to know you better. Do not consider her earlier understandings as a kind of inacceptance. It is not related to you. It is relating to her and you must understand this matter totally, speak with her in this matter and do some thing that she feels better.
This is true about the women, too. If you want your husband abandon doing some thing or do some thing you want, directly tell him. Do not expect that he perceives of your face expression what you have in your mind. If you do not learn to speak instead of yourself in the bed, your husband thinks every thing is ok. may be it is not true! so without making any insulation, teach him. Familiarity and sexual relation will be meaningful just in satisfaction and joy. The more you talk together, the more you feel enjoyment and satisfied.
ALL THAT IS NOT ENDING WITH SEX
Most couples state that they did not have sex at the first night. In any way it is not bad at all. Just see yourselves that you have programmed months and months for this night of your best time, and now you gat too tired. You just want to relax and be with each other. you can apply other kinds of familiarity such as talking, touching, hugging, kissing, massaging and enjoy yourselves! Remember that you can show sexual enjoyment by other ways, too! Especially for women that for them romance does not end with sex. If you feel that you are not ready for sex, hugging, kissing and caressing are suitable alternatives. So if you have sex with each other the night or you do not have, just make sure that you hug each other tightly and communicate your feelings. You can do some small acts like: look into each others` eyes and say “ I LOVE YOU”. The best time to confess that for your spouse is when you get familiarity and friendly states or within the sex. If you can communicate with each other this time, you can do it every other time, too! Eye contacts incense the familiarity and friendship because it conveys that you both respect to each other and you are important and valuable for together.
THERE IS NO CORRECT OR WRONG OPTION
Sexual relation is not some thing that causes stress in you. May be a lot of books have been written in this matter that how you can do that, but every thing depends on the extent of familiarity between two. Do not worry that you do it correctly, for beginning, just let it every thing starts naturally and be sure that you will enjoy the friendly condition that has been made, if you go ahead more, so better!
Do not worry that nothing went on well. You have thousands of nights to practice. Maybe most couples deal with each other inexpertly at the first night because it is a step to remove all boundaries and restrictions. Give yourselves more time to understand each other much more and learn how you can do it better next time.
I have terrible experiences of this kind of relation… just 20 days after my engagement, which I really felt that I was on the seventh heaven because of my love and her care about me, the friendly relations, solitudes, talks, laughs, touches, hugs and kisses… but no longer that greatest moments occur and no longer that beautiful occasions repeated! I never forget my birthday gift which she offered me… but after that golden time when I felt happiness with all cells of my existence… I felt the hate, the dissatisfaction, need and wanting of mine, but rejecting and neglecting of her… so bad times I have felt… so bad and negative that even now with their repetitions and remembering in my mind I feel so depressed and gloomy that… I wanted HER…but SHE did not! I loved HER but SHE did not! Despite of knowing my love towards HERSELF, SHE ignored me and hurt my feelings, broke my heart, and spoiled my soul… never can I forget HER words… those words of insulting me…neglecting my love and feelings… never can I forget my all-night-long crying and praying… SHE did so cruel deeds towards me that never can I forgive HER! I do not hate HER… but just God must judge between HER and me! You can not imagine how much suffering I have had… no one was there to listen to me… just my LISA… thank you again my dearest TRUE LOVE, thank you!
