Wed 2 Apr 2008
“how do you show your feelings and ideas about a boy who loves you and who has expressed you a lot o
Last night I was chatting with Romina and Sarfaraz, after we got home of picnic which was nice, too. You know some unsolvable questions have occupied my mind, and I have tried hard to find the answers, but the little I could gain. I asked both girls “how do you show your feelings and ideas about a boy who loves you and who has expressed you a lot of times his love? In both cases, when you love him, and when you don`t love! Sarfaraz answered “if I love him, that is very fortunate occasion, I would keep silent! And nothing I would do!” that was confusing for me! I asked “so how the boy should know about your feelings? Don’t you think that if you show no sign at all, he feels depressed and may think that you do not love him?” she said “definitely he will, but in Iran there is no other choice! I do not know why!!!” then she opened her heart to me that she loved someone but because she could not tell him, she lost him!” I got so surprised! So may it be true about Lisa, too?!!! Does she feel ashamed and because of that she has not showed any sign of love or rejection?!!! How strange you girls are!!!!! Is it really reasonable that girls expect boys must know whatever in their minds are without expressing any sign to them?!!! I got so surprised!
And Romina… you see… she is very lovely and lively girl, stubborn and very funny and friendly! I like her jealousy, her behaviors, way of thinking and her intelligent advices occasionally give to me!!! To be frank… if she were a little older, maybe 10 years, if she were in Zanjan, or at last in Tehran, not in the south, and if she were blond, she would be my ideal girl and I would definitely propose her to marry with me!
She is very little to talk about these kinds of affairs and asking her ideas… but I was curious to know her ideas despite of her age … but I could not get any special conclusion of her words… maybe she is so friendly and different from other girls like Sarfaraz or Lisa that as she told she would go straight a head to the boy and KISSES him on the lips!!! (I prefer her idea!!!) But I don`t know… may be she is right! How strange you girls are!!!
Mon 31 Mar 2008
BREAK UP TRIP
I am in Zanjan! You may get surprised, since I was supposed to be in a trip to Takhte Soleiman and Iraq borders… yesterday afternoon, we were at home, not completing our trip… got back from Bane and Tekab, without going to Takhte Soleiman, nor Marivan, not even Uremia and Rezayeie Lake! Why?!!! When you are with the mother like Mahnaz`s, you must expect any unwilling happening! She is really crazy!!! Believe me! The more I love Uncle Aziz, the more I dislike her! She is really stupid and her IQ is lower than her son`s! the more the uncle in generous, the more she is stingy, the more he is friendly, the less she is sociable! I wonder how they have got along with each other for more than 30 years! Of course they wanted to get separated once, but others did not allow them to do so!
By the way, we were in Baneh, which it was my 6th time to visit there, (a center of bazaars and markets of every kind of goods, electronics, cell phones, cloths, beverages, perfume, toys, chocolates, even banned things as satellite… that once I went there, 7 years ago, they had no thing, and they were in such a poor condition that we got so pity towards Kordish people… but now they have improved so much that it gets to be a big city like our Abhar! Wonderful… the number of markets and bazaars getting lot and lot and it is good for purchasing wholly, I mean with a program and for beginning a life, maybe! Thanks God…)
The nature was so beautiful and seeable that I can not describe it here… just a fragment of HEAVEN! You should see the photos (… I will put here). Mahnaz got sick yesterday (because she is too weak and too faintly, since the mother does not allow them to eat much! Believe or not, she makes a small dish for 10 people and says “ok, it was very good! Nothing remained!) but we, my sister, brother, father and even mother, and I are eating normally, not more, not less, but she did not allow for that, too! Take it easy… I do not like to speak about that witch any more! She thinks she knows much more than other, while she just could finish guidance school! (I don’t know what would happen when she had had B.A!!!)
Mahnaz is very kind and very pretty, I was inspected her and her behaviors. She is so kind with her stupid brother and she was not so calm and meek that I though! On the other hand, she was very lively and friendly and most the time behaves like her father! She is too patient and treats with the brother so kindly that if her age was not important, you might say she is his mother!!! I like her! But you know… the mother has a lot of influence on her children! I mean Mahnaz is too dependent on her mother and that is not good! And I am afraid she gets like her mother when she gets older… and like her behaves or treats… that I can not tolerate any more! (I am a patient person and can get along with almost every body… so you must infer that those I can not tolerate and stand, who they are and how stupid and strange they behave!
When they wanted to leave here, I asked Mahnaz to stay more till her sickness gets better and the second, we can know each other some how! (Mostly I wanted to separate her from the mother, the stupid and strange mother and brother, to inspect her more…) but as I told you she listens whatever the mother says and suggests… you may think that I am against the consulting with the family, but no I am not! You see… there are some occasions that the person him/herself must make the mind! I am supporter of respecting others and their ideas especially elders and especially family, but they have no right to impose anything on my life… I believe that I must respect those who respect me and my rights not allowing them to violate my authority! But in the case of marriage with Mahnaz… I am afraid the mother influences the daughter and subsequently my life… even she might behave like her mother! I can not tolerate the situation like the Uncle Aziz… (He is like me, very patient and very friendly, but very very political!)
Other news… my older aunt and grandmother came to our home and when I did not go hall to see them, they, themselves came to my room and began speaking! I respect them, but not greeting friendly! They kissed me and said happy new year… the aunt said again” you should not be annoyed at us… the guilty was your own father… he did not allow us to come to your wedding ceremony, and not respecting HER!...” I did not say any thing and even did not pay attention to them any more… they saw my ignorance so they went away! (I can not forgive them and not my daddy!!!). then they told the mother that she wants to go HER home to speak to HER, and make HER come back to me… to make up with me! Even then, she called the daddy to get his allowance… I wonder how they do not feel ashamed to do so! How the allow themselves to interfere in my personal affairs! How?????!!!!! I will call her the day after tomorrow to ask her not interrupting and interfering into my life! I will do it… definitely!
Perplexed girl (who I do not her real name to call …) who asked me “I got shocked when you reasoned not marrying with Mahnaz… you do not reason because of LISA!” I should tell that I love Lisa… just God knows how much… but you see… my condition and my life in so confused that I do not have any control on that! Moreover, I have expressed my love towards Lisa a lot of times… she even some times comes here and reads… she knows my feelings towards herself completely… but she has not showed any little response to that! Not even a friendly sms… not even a lovely comment! I am afraid that this time again, it would be a single-side LOVE… not my true love… and I have had such a terrible experience that I can not tolerate any suffering of this kind any more! I do not want to impose myself on Lisa… or I do not want to repeat my previous mistakes… if she does not love me… no matter… I do not insist on that!!! I have the right… like Lisa, like Mahnaz, like you and like anybody else that to think… to inspect other choices and then select the best one suits me! Don`t I? You know… God knows and Lisa also know that when she expresses love towards me… when I can see the least sign of love of Lisa towards me… I do never think of others… and other choices… just now… because I need a true love and I am not sure…not even a sure but nothing I know about Lisa`s feelings and ideas about myself…what can I do? As I told if she shows me a very little sign of love… it is finished! I will do my best to reach her…but in this case… you should give me right that I feel confused and wandering around !!! however thank you for your friendly and useful comments and ideas… I wish all my friends were like you… to give their comments and ideas… not just coming and reading and then going!
And one thing else… you guess correctly… I am older than you… so old that I can call you my DAUGHTER… (again the issue about the name is that “YOU ARE NOT “SARGASHTEH!!!!” why do you insist that you are sargashteh? You can understand every thing even the deepest concepts …!)
Fri 28 Mar 2008
Dear uncle
Yesterday my dear uncle, and his family came to see us, he lives in Shahroud with the wife, his son and daughter, his daughter`s name is Mahnaz, a 24-year-old nice and lovely girl, who is too little in appearance that she seems 14! He is the retired teacher, literature teacher, like his wife, and his two other older daughters live in Tehran, both married, too high IQ and his grand daughter is given birth last week. It has been 6 years that they have not come here, and when they came we got so happy. He is very cheerful, and not only me, but almost every body who knows him, loves him! But his wife, to be frank, I do not like her any more, some how I dislike her, mostly because of a lot of different ideas and strange behaviors she has!!! Mahnaz is very kind and very cheerful, too, but some times I think she behaves like her mother!!! On the other hand, Parinaz, his oldest daughter, is very very smart and clever and does not resemble to her mom any more! We like her very much. She was the first student in M.S in POWER engineering, in Sharif University! His second daughter, Leilinaz, is smart and clever, too. She is B.S in Mechanics engineering, and Mahnaz is so so, she is English translator, like me, in her last year of education in Garmsar. Some times she has some questions and asks me… and the son, Mohsen, unfortunately, he is genetically abnormal, stupid and beef-witted! How is it possible that the daughters are so clever and intelligent but he is like a 6 year-old boy while he is one year older than me!!! The problem is from the side of the wife! Her brother is like her son…! Just God knows the best!!! Mommy loves her dear uncle, and likes Mahnaz, too! She likes we get married, together! She suggested that from the early years … but for 3 reasons I hesitated! First because of her mother, (I dislike her and all her behaviors!!!), second because of her brother, (the genetic problem that he has… you see… we are responsible for our future generation and children… I know that every thing is under God`s authority, but we must be watchful!) And third … she is a little different form my ideal girl, I mean her appearance and race… I love a blond girl… but she is an ordinary Iranian girl… maybe I am too selfish… but I do not know… I must wait to see what will happen!
Tomorrow we are going to Baneh in Kordestan province and then from there, we are going to Saghez and Tekab to see Takhte Soleiman… have you gone there? It is an ancient palace of Sasanidz in 15 kilometes away from Tekab, beside a village named Babanazar, around Dandy city, in 140 kilometers south-west of Zanjan. It is a very great site to visit… I have gone there three times! I will take photos and then show you my friends…
And another thing privately I wanna say PREPLEXED girl, who frequently comes here and gives very nice comments and ideas which I like so much! They are very useful and very helpful at the same time! Her English is really great… I think she is a teacher herself, or at least can be a good English teacher! I do not know so much about her, just some times I see her weblog (which I give the link here…) and I just know that she is smart and open-minded girl… I wish I could see her or talk to her face to face to know her much better… I am here thanking YOU, the PERPLEXED GIRL for every kindness, and nice ideas… ok… I will continue the writing in English and you know… as you told… I do not want everybody comes here to give and idea… but almost 98 % of people come and give idea without any understandings of what I wrote here! That makes me angry… but your and some other friends who always act in a very kind way give me energy and motivation! Thank you again! And PERPLEXED does not mean “SARGASHTE!” you are not “SARGASHTE” any more! Ok?!!! I think you are older than me, aren`t you?
